Ok so I said I'd get back to the last 18 months, after Loren left to go back to Burkina. So he left at the end of October and we went to Burkina Dec 9, 2007 til Jan 10, 2008. Wow, was it really that long ago? Lots has happened since then. But I get ahead of myself.

So we took the bus to Montreal and caught a plane (side note of warning to anyone thinking about travelling using airmiles. I used airmiles to get to France then bought tickets from Paris to Burkina. I paid several hundred dollars in taxes on the airmiles portion, then $4200 for the Paris - Ouaga part. Turns out that the WHOLE trip, would have cost THE SAME. SO I WASTED 10000 airmiles on this trip.). We met with Carol (Loren's mom) in Montreal, and then flew to Paris. Loren's Uncle and Aunt visited with us during our stopover which was 8 hours long. Ben was exhausted so slept on the bags through much of this. We arrived in Ouaga at 9PM local time (4 PM EST) after about 24hours of travelling. It was a nice change as it was about 30 oC instead of -15. We were met by Loren, his dad and several old friends and I immediately felt like I had come home. I was so relieved to be there, I was so happy to be there.

We stayed at Loren's parents' farm for the majority of the trip. They have a lot of wild animals on the farm - no cows, few chickens. Mostly monkeys, snakes, hyenas, warthogs, etc, oh yes, and a chimpanzee named Juliette. We stayed largely on the farm for the first week, just hanging out, not too exciting. One day I noticed what Ben was writing in his journal. It was scribbles and things like " this is a bad book". He was clearly unhappy but true to form didn't show it. He would occasionally say that he wanted to go home. I could see we needed to get out an do something but I didn't quite know what to do. Clark was not there frequently and Loren only had a motorcycle. There were a number of vacations/ holidays while we were there fortunately so Loren could spend a lot of time with us. He had to work once in awhile but mostly he stayed at the farm. On Tabaski (Muslim "easter") we finally got out to see my friends Dembele and Cita, and their 2 boys Djamal who is Ben's age, and Rashid who was only 2 at the time. Although Ben and Djamal could not communicate, they played for hours well into the night, jumping off sand piles, playing with trucks, collecting bottle caps. And they finally fell asleep in the truck.

We drove back to the farm and Loren and I started to talk, we talked for hours. I could see that he was opening back up to me the way he used to be. We talked about why I hadn't come to Burkina until this point (because he hadn't invited us) and he talked about trying to stay out of my way so I could decide what I wanted, like marrying someone else. Still in a guarded fashion we discussed what could work. After some of this, Loren looked at me and said "if you would agree to live here, I would agree to marry you." I'm sure most of my female friends are thinking "What a jerk!" and now all the guys are going "why?" - not the most romantic thing in the world but from Loren that was like him proclaiming from the mountains. Just to complete the thought, I haven't answered him yet, even now 18 months later.

The rest of the time went a little better for Ben - I still cringe just thinking about how unhappy he was - but he met more friends and got to do things he'll never be allowed to do in Canada at his age, like drive the truck on his dad's lap (on the highway), go on a motorcycle, hang out at construction sites and play on heavy equipment. When we left it was really hard for Benny, he was sad to leave, saying he wanted to stay. We'll see how he feels a few months in. We'll see how I feel a few months in.

Not that everything was perfect. Loren and I had a few fights, Benny even had a fight with Loren. And there are a few things that we will need to work through, but I am learning quickly about the idea of picking ones battles, and choosing which are insurmountable or "hills to die on" versus those that we can live with. I'm not sure that Loren wasn't reconsidering his offer too

I thought about this trip a long time. Work wasn't going well but rather than this trip being a boon, it was almost a burden because I couldn't in conscience change jobs only to tell them that I would likely be leaving shortly. So I continue at my job, just waiting for the time to pass. When I told Ben that I had decided we would spend a year in Burkina, leaving in July or August, he immediately burst into tears... not the reaction I was expecting or hoping for. He said he was going to miss all his friends, and as painful as that was to watch, it has sort of cemented in my head that now is the right time (actually last year would have been the right time but hindsight is 20/20). He still makes up excuses why we can't go but I think he has accepted the idea and is even looking forward to some aspects.

As for me, I have soooo many things I am worried about, planning, preparing - the list is literally a 1000 items long - some small - need visas, need vaccinations - some are big - what if Ben gets really sick, what if he does really hate it? What if I hate it? I think once we get there and normal life starts to settle in then the real work of figuring out what the plan is going forward can begin.

I think I said I would tell the story that leads up to all this. I'll try to be brief, there's a long history here.

It started when Greg Krueger went to Rwanda in 92, got Africa fever and contaminated me with it. Although I am obsessed with travelling anyway, didn't need much of a push there. I got into a program at York University after I graduated from Waterloo. It was called Leadership Skills Abroad and included an 8-month work placement overseas. I didn't really qualify as I didn't have a master's in anything but I guess my co-op experience (11 terms!!) had them interested. My reference embellished a number of things including my ability at school and my ability to speak french (he said I was bilingual from speaking it at home with my parents - I NEVER said that so I have no idea why he did). So yes, I got in on a lie.

I went to Burkina on Hallowe'en 1997. I was supposed to work at the UN office, working on desertification but that office wasn't doing anything so they moved me to the Burkina Ministry of Environment in Environmental Impact Assessment. I arrived November 1 at 7PM local time, it was 38 oC and I could not understand a word anyone was saying. (in my defense, my francophone roommate was having some challenges as well). This was a regular problem and I embarassed myself fully in the first few weeks. I got a teacher to give me lessons 3 times a week and was going fairly well by Christmas.

November 7 we (all Canadians) were invited to the Ambassador's house as he was new and this is tradition. I arrived and met 2 tall blond boys, who actually were anglophones and made friends. One was Loren, the other was his brother Derek. They introduced me to their parents. Loren and I spent a lot of time together, talking, going out etc. By Christmas we were dating officially and in January we did a couple trips together. We started discussing the idea of getting married by end January. At that time, I was 28 and he was 20. We had a lot of fights but always seemed to resolve them.

I left in August 1998 to come back to Canada for my sister's wedding. I worked for several months to make enough to go back but wasn't sure where Loren and I had left things so only planned to go for a month in March 1999. When I arrived, Loren seemed less than happy to see me but we sorted things out. Unfortunately I left again and we didn't really keep in touch.

Fast forward to 2000. I started to plan to move again - to Vancouver this time. I went for a job and house hunting trip in July and visited with Loren's family there - not realizing that Loren had recently arrived there. I moved to Vancouver in September 2000 and we got ahem re-aquainted. He was working in California and going back and forth so we spent some time together but mostly apart. He decided to go back to Africa in May 2001. I debated going with him but decided to stay and continue developing my career. I was also planning a world tour - a one year sabbatical to travel the world. And well of course that never happened.

Just a few weeks after he left, I discovered I was pregnant. I couldn't contact him as the only emails and phone numbers I had were for his parents. I finally wrote him a letter and he didn't receive it and get in touch with me until I was over 5 months pregnant. That was a bad time for me, I was pregnant, alone, my grandmother died, I was laid off from my job, 9/11 happened and I lost half my investments. I moved back to Toronto in November and lived with my mom for nearly 2 years while I waited for my house to be built. Ben was born in January 2002, Loren and his mom came to visit for a month. We never really spoke about what to do, it was a difficult time. Then he left and we didn't speak for a long time. He received pictures and such from me through his parents who passed through occasionally. I received very occasional phone calls from him. Until 2007 when Ben started asking about his dad.

Loren and I talked about my bringing Ben to visit Burkina, but I wanted Loren to come here first thinking that a trip to Burkina would be hard enough for Ben without the added pressure of meeting his father for the first time. So Loren and his mom visited in October 2007. It was awkward and challenging for all of us. Loren seemed very distant from me, but tried hard to be with Ben. Loren's departure was really hard on Ben. But knowing we were going to visit seemed to help.

Not nice to leave it here but I just wrote a whole decade of info. I will write about the last 18 months later. I'm tired - it's been a long 12 years!! I will get back to the last bit a little later.

Well, we have a date now. Tues August 25, 2009. The date was pushed a little later for 2 reasons: my grandfather turns 95 on August 25 so in all likelihood there will be a party for him on the 23rd, and Ben thought it would be good to be there for his cousin Grace's birthday on the 27th. I couldn't leave it that late or we'll have very few days to prepare for school which starts on Sept 8th.

Air France is insane as far as I can tell. I saw tickets for $1250 one day, the next day they were less, about $850 (this is per person, ONE way), the next day they were $1354 and its not like AirCanada or WestJet where it's a day that is less sold than another day. All days from June til early Sept are the same price. W.E. Anyway, got a good deal from TravelCuts along with flight and medical insurance (OHIP doesn't work over there!). $3850 all in for both of us round trip, unfortunately have to pay $250 per change per person and am not allowed to book return that far in advance so will definitely have to pay $500 to change from March to next summer (unless things go that badly and I want to come home in March!).

The last few weeks at work have been difficult. I have at least partially checked out already. My brain and my heart are not in my work and I am very disheartened by the continued lack of political will on both sides of the border. I think this move signals the potential for a complete change in career. I'm done with climate change. Time for something that people are actually doing something about! There's a lot to choose from. I think we will be finding a new direction very soon.

Three things down, 997 to go...