Hi,

 

Sorry all. I really was using my blog before I guess as an outlet for all the stress (and yes to reduce the 12000 all the same questions I got from people). Not say I don't have stress at this moment, or the last 6 months since I wrote but it's almost seemed to personal. Maybe becoming more African than I expected. You just don't talk about things here. I find that sort of disturbing sometimes.

 

To back up to Feb. Work has been crazy busy. I got to re-write my 2012 Work plan about 6 times because my boss threw a lot of different things at me and well life in business is just like that I guess. The big thing was all of a sudden there was a conference announced and we decided to put a booth in - lost about a month just for that. The fundamental plan didn't change: I decided we need to get ourselves sorted or there wasn't any point in adding anything. So I put in place a series of projects to get us on solid ground. Slowly they are playing out, not without their headaches. In the midst of getting started, my Technical Director passed away while he was home on vacation. So we had 3 months of chaos and sitting on the downward spiral. I thought I again was going to lose my mind. We have since found a replacement, and I also hired a supervisor but then I became boss and mommy as I held people's hands getting them started to learn their new jobs.   We are still not quite there as neither of these people have ever done a job like this before (i.e. no management experience). The internal politics are becoming almost unbearable.

 

Projects are as follows:

1) we're doing ISO 9001 - this developed because I decided we don't have proper procedures in place and organically turned into the full meal deal. I'm to start it and then it will be implemented at HGS across Africa - this by itself is a massive undertaking in terms of the time required of me. Having said that, I'm hoping that eventually it will lead to saved time and less headaches which I am totally for! ;

 

2) I'm re-writing all our contracts so we are compliant with the law here, which also involves writing a 30 page document on disciplinary procedures that has to be reviewed by staff, facilitating the voting in of a employee rep-to-management and getting a work inspection done by the ministry of labour. This is has been the biggest headache as my workers seem to think that it's an opportunity to discuss salaries again which it is not. I did up most of the salaries a bit anyway but somehow it's just never enough. Ended up that not only am I having to write all this other jazz (fortunately the consultant I hired is really good and did a LOT of the leg work for me!) but I'm having to write a manual on how the kids know when they can graduate from level to level. How do I know what that is?? I'm writing the soft stuff, like if I can trust you to show up without standing over you allows you to move up a level. I re did all our evaluation documents and now the training manual. I am hoping my technical collegues with feel motivated to help. I certainly intend to lock them in a room with people waiting to write down their every word until it gets done.

 

3) we're renovating our office, knocking down walls, redoing the yard outside, changing all the furniture and the like; That will be very fun. I love living and working in chaos! NOT!

 

4) we're implementing a new module of our accounting software so we can track everything on it instead of on Excel  means going through 2 years of accounting and re-inputting, verifying/validating, after we get trained on it we now have to re-create all our inventory and make sure it's all correct. But it means that with the press of a button, I can have up to date client invoices, all my financial reports and know exactly how much stock was on each site at any given moment!  Well in theory!

 

5) I'm implementing a new HR program for Performance Evaluations and Career planning. Meaning I have to hire a Director of Human Resources who will be responsible for all of Africa.

 

6) we're opening a new office in the west so have to do reconnaissance on what industries there are, where to locate, and I have to do a whole restructure of our staff as I will have to send some of our experienced staff there, meaning I need new technicians (who take a year to train), an area manager and another supervisor and admin assistant, I need to buy 4 vehicles and furnish the office and living accomodations.

 

7) We are the authorized distributor for 14 different brands, and tout ourselves as a provider of hydrocarbon solutions. But we have never sold anything here for at least 6 of those brands and the others we aren't even close to minimal performance so implementing training  and sales program for my staff on different product with sales incentives. We lost one of our contracts this year - a big one. My goal is to still double our sales. So far a little behind but it will come.

 

I have 3 weeks til Ben comes home, until I have to revert to Mommy and have half my working braincells focus on something other than work. I miss him and it will be good to get me out of this non-stop working mode but man I feel like I actually got something accomplished rather than feeling like I'm snipping at the heels of my problems at work.

 

Something else that was quite important is Loren and I went through a sort of pre-marital counselling. I say sort of because I think it was helping us decide if we wanted to get married. It was really good for us and we sorted through a lot of huge issues between us. It's like night and day. It was really hard and made both of us think REALLY hard about what we wanted and what we were willing to give/give up. Wow that's a tough lesson to learn!!  Loren has been working at HGS which has given us an interesting perspective on each other (how many men have enough balls to have their "wife" as their boss?!). I think that as much as anything influenced the huge changes.

 

And finally because I didn't think I had quite enough change going on, I decided to sell my house in Ottawa. The deal is done, and I'm still not 100% sure how I feel about it. Sometimes I feel a loss because I REALLY liked my house! but other times it's just a relief not to have to worry about it anymore! My stuff is still all in the basement, but the family (my tenants) have kindly offered I could leave it there for some time as I had no intention of coming back to Canada anytime soon. Probably next summer but I dread the idea that I might spend  acouple weeks in the summer, locked in my basement sorting stuff I haven't looked at for *(by then) 4 years, instead of spending it with family and friends. We'll see how it goes and what we decide to do. May just send in my sister with the instructions to "be ruthless". Good Will is going to make a killing! Anyway, don't have enough brainspace to really contemplate that.

 

I was in the US for a course - just needed a break. Saw my friend Christine and we had a short but fun time together. I am planning on going, I think, to Spain with Kanchan in October for 10 days. We'll see if Ben gets to come or not. We were considering Morocco, but I think I'd rather not see Africa on my break especially right around Tabaski (Muslim Easter).

It was quite the weekend. After 5 weeks of vacation, then 2 weeks of my cousin Virginia visiting, life gave me a shove back into reality. I got a very well rounded set of experiences in just 4 days.  

 

Backing up, Thursday, Jan 26 was my father's last day at work at a company he has worked for some 40 years, going from the bottom to the top, stopping at every job in the middle, taking it to be one of the largest general contracting firms in Canada and a public entity. Quite an accomplishment. And quite a marker in my mind as to how far life has gone. I remember my dad at 40 telling me he would never retire. Never say never I suppose.

 

On Friday, Benny turned 10, another significant marker in time for a child. More teenager than child, my little boy is quite independent and in many ways his own person. Still the cherub faced, good natured kid he was even as a baby, I am starting to see some of the characteristics that will settle and stay. He is in too many ways, my child. But I realize again, I am running out of time to have much influence on his character, and that someday my baby will fly the nest.

 

Friday night we stayed at Koubri, for the first time in many, many months, as we haven't had much time to be with Carol at all. I haven't slept at Koubri since last May I think, and not in the cold since 2 winter's ago, before the car accident. Carol is off again in a few weeks and I realize what little time we have, as after that we likely just be crossing paths for the rest of the year again.

 

Saturday, we went to a wedding, Myriam's sister. Of course, everyone wanted to know when Loren and I are getting married. Many comments were made about us being next. I know I am sort of the hold up, not Loren as he has asked me. I just haven't answered altho that is as much due to his behaviour as my aversion to commitment. Anyway, this wedding was extra special as she was marrying a Captain of the military. She was put through the works, required to wear a flak jacket, full rucksack and helmet and RUN in her dress and heels from the City Hall to the Officer's Mess (I think this is why it was built less than a kilometer away). Apparently she got off easy - some brides have been made to CRAWL, knees and elbows then sit at dinner in their dress all dirty and ruined.

 

Saturday night we said goodbye to Virginia.It was a lot of fun but as we know, all good things must come to an end. Vee and I are such that no matter how much time passes, we pick up where we left off. With FB it's easier to keep up but somehow things were different this time too. I don't know why. I felt bad that I had to work and I was spent so much time rushing about. Vee reminded me that it was her I was going to go travelling with, when I got pregnant. I was going to inform my boss on July 1, 2001 that I was taking a year (2002) sabbatical to travel. We had a plan to do Africa starting in Burkina heading south then to India, China, Japan back to Vancouver where I was living at the time. I got as far as telling them I was leaving but it was for maternity leave instead. She went to Australia instead, called me from the airport on her way, out the day after I gave birth.

 

From the airport, Loren and I went to a restaurant to eat. We met a man who is a friend of Loren's friend Micha. Micha is a German who took 2 years to travel from North Africa to South... on a bicycle. (that would be like riding your bike Labrador to Los Angeles and back, not using any roads and dodging bullets. He then came back and settled in Burkina, started a business, adopted a child. He was essentially Loren's older brother (he was about 45). I've only met him once or twice. He was the one who convinced Loren to do the trip to Canada saying it was very important to connect with family. On our return from Canada, Loren went looking for him only to find out he was in the hospital. This man who we encountered on Sat at the restaurant, Loren had met in Micha's hospital room. Micha had cancer of the spinal column/nervous system. He had known some 8 months before that he was going to die, so instead of seeking treatment, came back to Burkina. Yes, he knew, even as he convinced, Loren to go to Canada. This man told us that Micha had just come home from the hospital that day. Loren hoped that meant he was doing better, we discussed going by his house to see Micha and meet his mother.

 

I had 2 very bad dreams that night. One that Ben was badly hurt in an accident and I had to watch him die. The other was that I was leaving our house, Loren was still at home when the military struck again and I was forced to run and hide, unable to get home and warn Loren what was coming. I saw a friend shot by the military. I awoke at 4 am grateful to find Loren alive, and thankfully remembering that Ben was safe at Koubri.

 

The next morning Micha died. The man we met at the restaurant called Loren to tell him. We went to his funeral Sunday afternoon.

 

It was very stark. I've never been to a funeral in Burkina although I know several people who've passed away. This was quite poignant to me though for so many reasons. Micha was buried in the same cemetary as Burkina's Golden boy dictator, Thomas Sankara. The cemetary is much like the rest of Burkina, red dirt, dusty, full of garbage and black plastic bags. The ceremony was, well, unceremonious. Micha had become a muslim only a few months before. The hole had been dug some time earlier that day. The body was carried in a cube van, on a mattress, wrapped in a straw mat and a white cloth. Cement blocks were put down and a wood board and the workers argued about how to go about the business of laying the body. They took the mattress and white cloth and then dumped the dirt back in. As we stood back from the flying dust, I stood with my arms around Loren as I watched him cry silently, again losing probably his closest friend (his best friend Marc was killed in an accident in March 2009). An old woman came up and scolded him for crying saying he needed to be strong for Micha's mother. A slim woman, she stood there with Micha's adopted child (now a young man) and the Imam, tears rolling down her face.

 

I looked around to see if I could see Sankara's grave. You can see them, his and the other officers killed are marked in white tile and shine, especially in that place where most of the graves are unmarked mounds of red dust. Some have a few bricks surrounding them, others small crosses of wood with their name carved in it. Others a slab of mud with their name scrolled by someone's finger, sitting formless ontop of the mound. Others with nothing at all. There were no flowers, no tombstones, no elaborate stoneworks. Farther away, you can see where grass has covered the mounds, and some were so small, you wonder if the child was ever even given a name. Just next to our feet, 3 small graves in a row, no markings at all. In that moment, the truth of human tragedy came crashing in on me. Who are we and what does what we do mean? If anything at all. There are 7 billion people, and the one thing we all have in common is we will all die someday.

 

At the end of it, we greeted other people there with mumbled condolences and I hugged Micha's mother very hard. I got the idea that this wasn't her wish that he be buried in Burkina but she said he was happy and smiling in his last hours, what more could she ask? She asked about my children, I said I have a son who is 10. She smiled, and told me how lucky I was. Don't I know it.

 

Benny has been given a poem at school to study, we learned it together.

The Difference - Jean Pierre Simeon

 

For each one mouth, 2 eyes, 2 hands, 2 legs

Nothing resembles a man more than another man

So between the mouth that wounds

And the mouth that consoles

Between the eyes that condemn

and the eyes that light up

Between the hands that give

and the hands that strip

Between the step without a trace

and the steps that guide us

Where is the difference

the mysterious difference.