Hi all,

The blog hasn't really been happening I guess. I kinda feel like it just turned into maunderings about normal stuff that everyone goes through. It was a worthwhile thing to do at the time but I guess I would rather connect with people on a more individual basis. I'm getting a new computer (I don't think I mentioned previously that we were robbed and had pretty much everything electronic stolen - fortunately my work computer was at work) so soon will again be in regular contact. We're getting Skype too. The work computer doesn't have a webcam so I'm making sure that the next computer does.

When we were only going to be here for a year, I guess I was fairly focused on accomplishing what I thought I should for that year. The thinking being I'd be home soon anyway so just to be present where I was. Now, I'm here for yet another year and as that progresses it becomes less and less certain what the future holds in terms of location and long term plans. Things are evolving with Loren and me and although I'm not really closer to a particular answer, as the picture gets filled in the future will show itself. I find myself thinking about the contacts and relations I've left behind and how I maintain that as ultimately to me, that's what makes life worthwhile.

After a great deal of stress with work (as my last blog details every drop of blood I sweated!) it's only gotten worse - to the point where I was again experiencing road rage and wanting to run people over with my car. I also physically threatened to kill someone if they f'd up again - and I meant it. That one I'll give myself some grace because it was the guard who we pay to protect the house whom I've caught sleeping just about every night. The nights he wasn't sleeping - he took off somewhere without telling me. I had to go meet someone and Ben was asleep. I told the guard that this is the end of the year when there are lots of thefts. If he's sleeping then someone could kill him. My son is in the house and if anything happens to my son, I would personally kill him with my bear hands. He definitely didn't sleep that night. One night I came out and kicked him - still doesn't deter him. The next time, I'm going to bind him up with duct tape and put chili powder up his nose. Sounds cruel, but when you've had your house robbed and this guys only job requirement is that he stays conscious for 8 hours well, it's annoying.

Anyway, I got sick again - I honestly think it was the stress. I love the terms - makes your blood boil, or seeing red. I've had those happen and I'm pretty sure they aren't good for you. And again all of it stems from someone not doing their job or doing it so badly it creates huge problems. We've been trying to import our products going through the proper channels - meaning you get an inspection by COTECNA before you ship and then going through customs should be easier. Well COTECNA was a nightmare which I can hardly explain with the amount of back and forth trying to get papers, having to resubmit documents 2 and 3 times because they were lost. When it was all finally done and we had our truck in Ouaga we couldn't take it out of customs because some idiot translated an item from grease gun (pistolet) to rockets (fusille). To transport arms across international borders of course requires special papers which we of course don't have because well, we're not shipping arms. However I was warned that finding anything remotely like arms on my truck would require that I be imprisoned which doesn’t do much to improve my mood. So we took everything off the truck and they were satisfied that there were no rockets and let us leave. I think I could have killed someone. The process that should have taken a total of 10 days from start to finish and could have been done by my secretary turned into 5 weeks of me phoning clients reassuring that their stuff is coming, redoing documents, working weekends, having meetings and finally being threatened with prison.

So it's probably not a huge wonder I was sick the following Monday. I got to work, worked for a few hours then felt tired, I also had a low grade fever and what looked like an allergic reaction where my skin was clear but you could see it was red underneath - hard to describe but the skin itself wasn't red just underneath was - more like carbon monoxide poisoning if you've ever seen that. Someone had my car so I couldn't go home. So I lay down in one of the rooms. To say I fell asleep would be an understatement - I crashed. It was closer to being knocked unconscious. I slept for an hour, and then someone drove me home. Over the next 48 hours, I slept for 36. In the few I was awake, I went to the clinic. From the blood work he said I have typhoid fever, salmonella poisoning and that I'm anemic. Add an allergic reaction and of course that's a fantastic recipe for being tired. A week later and I was still tired. I could drink a coffee and go directly to sleep all night. The dreams that go with that concoction of drugs are quite interesting as well.

I got a medical certificate to be off work for 10 day and I tried to go to work earlier but got up at 1PM so that doesn't really work. I still worked at home - responding to emails, and doing some work that needs doing that doesn't require my presence in the office. I went in to do salaries and make sure they had money to pay bills for month end and for errands. But that's it. Anytime something stressed me, I'd drop it immediately and do something else. Spent a lot of time on facebook and buying Christmas presents for my family online. I wandered around facebook and looked about 15 people's pages randomly just to see what was happening in their lives, sent emails to friends I hadn't connected with in awhile and seeing lots of pregnancies and newborns which was exciting. Then there were deaths too, like a friend from high school I've recently reconnected with whose mother died a month ago. I always remember her mom as being someone who was very hard and driven. My friend was one of the few whose parents were divorced. In the 80s that was rare. Now having been a single parent, I can sympathize with how hard that must have been to deal with 2 kids and a divorce. I can also see through the in memoriam and videos that were put together that she was actually a very loving person and an extremely giving person, who contributed a lot to the community around her. I look at my own parents and sort of see them as people who are kind of floating through life – driven people but with side-blinders on. I am inspired to see the great things this woman did. It comes at a time when I'm wondering what a real life looks like. I have a busy life, no doubt - a parent working full time, in a stressful and demanding job. But what is it that makes you look at life and have those moments of satisfaction where you did a good job and really felt like you contributed or made a difference? I can't criticize my parents - I only hope that they have those moments of satisfaction in their life - I just think what I think is important or what inspires me is quite different than what it is for them.

It's like that line in City Slickers I guess where you have to find out that "one thing" for yourself, because it's different for everyone. I know for me, connecting with people is really important. And as much as I flit in an out of people's lives because I move so much, I still reach back, and I hope that even though I can't stay 100% current with people due to distance and sheer numbers, that everyone knows how much I care about them and how grateful I am that I've been blessed to know so many wonderful people. There are the differences too between the small pleasures like petting an animal or reading a good book, and the larger things like helping someone make an important decision or giving someone a needed push in the right direction. I'm thinking part of it is reflecting on the things you do to take the time to witness where you have made those contributions - not so much for others to recognize but just for yourself to recognize and take some joy from them. I think about how stressed I get when these problems arise and I realize that I take problems quite personally - both from the perspective that somehow I should have been able to avoid it and also that whoever created the problem did it intentionally or without consideration for me - fundamentally lacking respect for me and my time. Neither is really a useful way of looking at the problem. Others might find satisfaction in dealing with those kind of things but I just feel angry, tired and resentful - victimized even.

So in terms of here, as with life every time I move (which is frequently so you'd think I'd be used to it by now!) I am still trying to find my way, my place in the community. Loren's friends love me and think I'm crazy. I'm of course nothing like any of the other women they know and they are fun to talk to. But even at home there is only so much satisfaction in sitting around talking to people, even where you can connect and be helpful. I've been trying to get more involved in the life of Derek's family - arranging dinner or outings once a month with the children and a "mommies night" for Myriam and myself to talk and pray and hang out. At 32 she's gotten somewhat lost in being a mother and working, and has forgotten what fundamental gave her joy in life for herself. Perhaps we will discover together. There is the language barrier and there are the strong cultural differences but it's interesting to go through that learning together.

The sky is this absolutely phenomenal colour right now - a pink and orange glow. The best parts of Harmattan, it's so dusty and will only get worse, your nose is always full and you constantly feel the need to wash BUT it's nice and cool at night, to the point where you need sheets and a blanket, and the sunsets are really incredible and almost every day like that - both a product of the dust. And there are less bugs.

I am to the point where I don't want to lead anymore. I am tired of feeling like I'm the only person who does stuff because it needs doing, because it's right to do so. I keep asking the question "why am I leading this?" I ask it both of work and of my family life. I got tired of watching everyone do things in a half assed way around me, tired of telling people how to do their job and why it’s important to do it well (rarely get there); tired of telling people why they need to respect their wives and families (this is a losing battle as far as I can tell), and why spending all day everyday drinking at the bar is a waste of life (these aren't teenagers I'm talking to, they are men in their 40s and 50s), listening to people justify their pathetic behavior, and thinking they have zero right to complain about their government and the state of their country. No one thinks of consequences - short or long term, just doing whatever the hell they feel like doing. I could take that stance, but of course there are too many people counting on me for that. Can I just screw off and leave my son at home? Sure I can but is that going to give me the result I'm looking for with him? No. Can I just leave my work to do itself? Of course but then I'm accountable for how that turns out, even if it's not my business, even if it's not my money - and I care how I do my job. How do you get people to see that? I guess it's a matter that they don't have a desired outcome either, in terms of their families or work. They just do without thinking where that's going - or what the greater impact of that is.

I guess it would be nice to see something of excellence and get to follow it instead of having to try and create it. I'm having to reinvent the wheel at work, a wheel I know exists but there's no one to show me what it looks like or how it works. When I worked at EC, that was one of the greatest things about some the people I worked with - seeing excellence, people who are the best at what they do and who had no ego - they just wanted it to be the best it could be. When there was the opportunity to work with these people, it was an amazing process.

So anyway, I have some more photos - got a new camera. I will try uploading later.

Sorry, it's been a long time since I blogged. Actually I've been writing, I just keep forgetting to post so this will be a selection of those.

Sept 2: Shrugging into the heaviness of life.

That expression isn't mine, but it's stuck with me ever since I heard it. No, the author of that is Loren's dad, Clark. Clark said it when he was retelling the story of walking in the dark at Nazinga a long time ago. He was shaving with an electric razor and not really paying attention when he nearly walked into an elephant. This elephant wasn't too happy with him I guess, and Clark tried to yell but like in nightmares, couldn't get any sound out. He took off at a run and, just like a nightmare, tripped and fell. He rolled over to find this elephant had chased him and was now standing over him. Clark said, he was quite certain he was going to die and prayed that he was ready to go to the Lord, while a small part of his mind wondered if it, death, was going to hurt. For whatever reason, the elephant wandered away. Clark got to his feet, in wonder that he was still alive. And he said he was so certain he was going to die, it took him awhile to shrug back into the heaviness of life. I felt that same way after the car accident back in Dec. I think I may have written the very same. I was so sure I was going to die when I saw us heading for the tree that it was quite the feeling to awaken after and determine I was actually alive. I can't say I was joyful in that moment as I was fully appreciative of the gravity of the moment, not knowing how everyone else was only knowing I was covered in blood, and that death was still a reasonable possibility.

I liken how I'm feeling to that moment only in the heaviness that life sometimes feels, like you are shouldering a heavy load, or wearing a huge coat, that threatens your ability to keep moving. I had a bit of a fairy tale going without Ben here.  Certainly I missed him a lot, but as with any absence, you tend to forget the tough stuff. The first night, we went for dinner with Clark, Carol, Derek and family, and were the last to go. Ben wanted to go with Loren on motorcycle of course, although he was quite happy when I got him from the airport to sit in the car with me (yay, no seatbelts, and he gets to sit in the front). As I drove home by myself, I saw in front of me a horrible motorcycle accident; the bike was full under the car. The people had been pulled off to the side already and surrounded so I couldn't see. I kept driving with my heart in my mouth, knowing it wasn't Loren's bike but also knowing how fickle life is. It could have been. And I pictured Ben in pain, lying on the ground with his huge blue eyes asking me why this kind of thing happens. All I could do was pray that it never does. There is so much in life that you can't protect your children from – the worst thing of all, yourself. Loren thought I was angry at him I was so serious, but really it was just that: feeling the weight again of parenthood and all the strong feelings that go with it. Knowing the battles between extremely conservative father and expressive, Jim-Carrey-esque son that are to come. Even myself; I get tired of all the silliness and I hear the words come out of my mouth, time and time again, "you're being silly"(my mother) or "knock it off"(my father), knowing what damage that it's likely doing to his self-esteem. Picking a school, wanting him to integrate, yet wanting him to learn and be motivated, to achieve and be unique. Wanting to keep him safe, yet wanting to give him wings, and knowing there's just so much out there that you can't protect them from. Wanting him to grow yet still be my baby. Wanting to give him everything he wants, knowing I can't and shouldn't, and knowing that will spark fights with Loren. I've never believed in having a lot of stuff, but somehow it's hard to fight (and yes, I have a lot of stuff).  And having to choose between spending time with my family and friends or with Loren's. None these things individually are light, together, I feel like I'm climbing narrow stairs carrying an elephant, trying to watch for boobytraps.

He's already got diarrhoea and a rash in his armpit that looks like ringworm. We're already fighting, with Loren too about watching movies, buying him another phone, how many toys he has, playing his DS too much, showering, brushing his teeth, cleaning his room, not going out to play in his pyjamas, asking to be excused from the table, feeding the cat, and changing the litter. I add mediator to my long list of titles.

Sept 21 – Good thing I didn't ask for a haircut

I came home to find my house naked. I'm sure that sounds odd. We had some half dozen trees out front, one was touching the telephone wire and the other was bothering Loren and my neighbour because some branches would touch his aluminum roof when it was windy, and during rainy season that's pretty much every other day. The guard offered to "tailler" meaning to trim it. I got home and was appalled to find 3 full trees cut right down to the stump. The guard very jovially asks "c'est bon, non?" and I of course said NON!!!.  He seemed confused so asked "de quelle cote?" meaning exactly how was it not right. I said everything. When I asked to you to trim it so it wasn't touching the wire, what part of that meant cut down the whole tree? And when you asked before to trim the one touching the roof, did I not say I didn't want you to because I was worried you would cut off too much??! He just looked and said, ah yes of course, you're right. I said it was a good thing I didn't ask you for a haircut, you would have started at my knees.

 

This is the same person who was confused as to why I was upset that he didn't show up for work and sent no one to replace him. His logic was he was at home praying for me and he didn't feel right that he send someone else just in case something happened. So I asked "therefore it's better that you stay home and pray?" and he very happily replied of course! I said well I'm not paying God, I'm paying you, and I'm paying you to be at my house at 6PM til 6AM and if you don't show up again or send a replacement, you're fired (this is the 4th or 5th time). So he didn't show up again the next day and sent his son who just sleeps on the terrace. We'll be ending his contract end of the month and getting a security company in. This is after we had someone break into the house, while he was on duty - sleeping. I thought it would help him sleep lighter but nope. He still sleeps every night.

 

Anyway, my former boss at Environment Canada is retiring. Judith was always an amazing person - incredibly smart yet practical and without ego. She was never about being right, but getting it right. We went through a lot of program changes together. I spent more than 3 years doing Offsets, which I don't regret but I think I should have left earlier. She did it for over a decade! That's perseverance. We had our disagreements, and there were periods of time where things were so stressful that we really got on each others' nerves, and couldn't agree on nearly anything. But I completely respect her and even now, miss the conversations we had and the brainstorming we did together. It's interesting when you can look back at parts of your life and point specifically to someone who made a huge difference, turned you in another direction, or who influenced your thinking profoundly. Judith did all those things for me. It very much has me thinking again about my own philosophy and how I manage my own life. I look at all the things she's accomplished and how much she knows, and then there's her personal life which is something pretty amazing as well. Makes me wonder what I do with my time. Makes me re-think how I want to manage my life. I know I have another 20 years to be where she is but I know that if I got to start over, I don't know if I could do everything she has. And that's okay I guess, I am where I am for a reason, but it's fun to be inspired in that way. I wish Judith all the best.

 

And it reminds me, as I'm trying to sort out the same invoices over again, that some things in life are the same no matter where you go. I think the tree conversation is easily a conversation I could have had at EC. Trying to get software to work is sometimes easier than getting government employees to work.

 

 Oct 9 – Puppies

We have started our own zoo. We got 2 female puppies yesterday – they are just 4 weeks old and surprisingly large for their age. Sort of typical African mutts – came from a litter of 6, with 2 males. One is called Socks for her 4 white socks and her sister is Shoeshine – who is just the chubbiest little thing. Both cute. We made jokes about having a puppy factory with 2 females – Loren could sell dog meat that way and have his own supply. Gross I know. What was really gross was Andrews cutting the tail off one of the dogs "so it will grow big". African logic apparently.

Now feeding gets complicated. The cat is getting cat food when it's available which is pretty easy; the dogs are getting rice with sauce, milk and occasionally a bit of meat. There is dog food but rice is cheaper, and dogs are, apparently, omnivores. We bought puppy food which we'll give them in a few weeks. Ben gets to clean up the dog poop.

We've decided to fire the guard too. I told the guy who brought him to us the real reason being he doesn't show up all the time and forgets to send replacements so it's easier to get a service where they figure the replacements out. We'll see how that works out. Loren told the guard that HGS is paying for a service so we don't need him anymore – typical African version of saving face. So now the guard is going around the neighbourhood bad mouthing us. He made the mistake of going to one of our neighbours, Mahdou. Mahdou is one of Loren's good friends. The guard told Mahdou that the reason he was fired was because Loren doesn't like him and that Loren had no right to fire him because I was the one who hired him. Mahdou of course knows the real reason, and of course also told Loren what the guard said. So Loren confronted the guard and the guard denied it saying, Mahdou was lying. The next day he goes back to Mahdou and say "tu m'a vendu avec le blanc" – literally you sold me to the white guy. What a mess – just glad he's leaving. We gave him a month's notice so he could find another job, but mid-month I'll give him his salary and say get lost (or translated into African face-saving – we're giving you time to go look for something else).

My frustration level lately has been quite high, and unfortunately my attitude has suffered for it . So I've been crapping on people and generally being ornery. I can't help it, just every little thing of late gets me to yelling mad so quickly. Probably the humidity and all the bugs aren't helping. It's the end of rainy season so it's not super hot but very humid, and there are a million bugs, just in my bed, somehow despite mosquito net. Both Loren and I have blisters from the blister bugs. Loren has a whole row on his lower back – he probably had one small one but like I described last year, when you break the blister the liquid creates new blisters where ever it touches. His belt probably rubbed one and spread it all over his lower back. How many weeks til November? I go on break too for a month! Yay.

We'll see if I actually take it. I'm way behind on my work plan because the invoicing process was transferred to Ouaga and then on top of that, we had to erase all the historical invoices and start again because it was mixed with what was billed by the Ghana office. We have over 400 invoices to put back in the system and I decided to do a waybill/invoice/payment reconciliation only to find out that there were tonnes of mistakes with double billing, and about 50 outstanding invoices. That took a whole month out of my schedule to redo.  And trying to get taxes done, and social security registration, don't have office insurance yet and still don't have all the contract stuff together... AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!  Breathe, Lisa, Breathe!!! Bit at a time.

Blogging

Sorry to all, I haven't written in a long time. I guess much of my reason for blogging in the first place has kind of moved on. I mean originally the blog was to answer the constant stream of questions that I got from people - that were usually the same questions - on how one prepares for this kind of adventure, why I was going etc. Then it became a tool for connecting and telling about what was going on, the different, the scary, the fun, how Ben and I were doing, and how things were going with Loren (which out of respect for his privacy, I haven't really been forthcoming). With so many things going on it was ranting, and talking out my thinking, and therapy for some of the other stuff. Since then, well I've seen a lot of people when I went home, and things are more complicated now that I've decided to stay longer. And I realized there are a lot of people reading this and it is a public blog so I don't really get into some things. I was surprised and felt very humbled to find out exactly how many people were reading my blog, even if occasionally. Thanks to all who do. I feel blessed to know there are so many who care about my goings on, no matter how insane or rant-y they are.

Also I've found there is stuff that some people can't handle – even as I tell "white" people here about some things that have gone on, they kind of freak out. So I feel kind of responsible if I have a whole bunch of people I care about who can hardly imagine being here, freaking out over something I've said.

I had a good trip home and saw a whole lot of people. It was of course, too short and too long all at the same time. I gained a lot of weight going from one meal to the next seeing people. From morning coffee to lunch to afternoon coffee to dinner to after dinner drinks, I saw over 150 people in 24 days. Not including going to church and spending 10 min with about 30 people. I felt I did okay at spreading my time out and spending more of it with the people who matter the most (if I didn't get to see you much please don't think you are less important!!). Of course it's never enough, especially of those who you are accustomed to spending all your time with.

Another good thing is I got my crowns (teeth) and they look nice. In fact my teeth never looked nicer, they are straight, not cracked or chipped and they're all the same colour. I'm not 100% sure they are glued well. They are thicker than my natural teeth so they take a little getting used to and I have a thlighthe lithp but they are way better than the temporary ones. So I'm happy with that. I was surprised how a small change as to the shape of the inside of your mouth can affect you. My teeth don't sit quite right so I'm forever clacking my bottom front teeth against the backs of the top ones. The first day that made my jaw so tight, it gave me a blinding headache so literally Loren had to drive me home and walk me to bed with my eyes covered. A little rest and a muscle relaxant cured that but it was quite excruciating at the time.

An odd item was we got cat food in the grocery store which makes life a whole lot easier for me in terms of trying to figure out what to feed my cat every day. He didn't like dog food at all (which I can understand, it's disgusting) even the canned stuff so he was getting spoiled, literally and figuratively, as he would get rice or pasta, whatever we happened to be eating that meal, and he got whatever meat was rotting in the fridge. Usually ham or liver pate. Now I just give him that, but it was $4 for a little box and $12 for a medium size bag. Still cheaper than ham.

On other stuff I've had my boss Steve here a lot of the last month so did not really getting a lot of work done as he likes to come into town and stand me on my head running about to different clients, going out etc. He also came with my friend Patrick. Patrick was my reference for this job and one of the perks is he comes to visit me twice a year. Pat and I were friends in University for several years and spent a lot of time together, and he hasn't changed much other than there is the occasional night where he'd rather go to bed early than go out drinking again (old age, what can I say). I think our instant closeness made Loren somewhat jealous. I would catch him staring evenly at Pat as if weighing carefully. Even Steve seemed jealous oddly - not sure though if it was for me or for Pat as he and Pat are good friends – and probably he was annoyed because Pat and I kept teasing him about how much he talks. Literally one time, a client said to Steve, "OK OK, I'll buy it! Just shut the f* up and get the hell out of my office!" 

Steve has offered Loren a contract and more if that job goes well. In fact he offered Loren to open his own branch of HGS called HGS Projects - to do big set ups and stuff, sort of general contracting. Loren already does a lot of that and more but not jobs of this size, level of technical and complexity. The fuel farm set up he offered Loren to manage costs over $300M USD. Loren will be in Ivory Coast for at least 2 months, maybe more, with breaks to come home God willing. It pays him well, but will have him gone for a long time and potentially with follow up work so he'll be gone maybe another 3 months again after that to Mali. He's also going to areas that aren't unsafe but not what I would call safe either. This still isn't 100% and Loren and I are both very wary of Steve and his projects as he is very visionary with not much in the way of solid grounding and he likes to cut corners. I'm sure Loren can handle it but we've had some long discussions about his concerns. For example, I sent Steve my work plan for the next 3 months and he said but what about all the work we're going to win? My reply was, you win it and I will make space for it. He's so in the clouds sometimes! There are probably many (especially my family) who are laughing at that. It's highly ironic that I am responsible for organizing anyone – they must be wondering what kind of state these people are in if they want ME to organize. I may not be able to clean my room or organize my house. However, I do think I'm relatively good at planning on a management level so I think that's where I'm providing value.

I also finally got some feedback from Steve. I suspect that was because I asked Patrick if Steve had said anything to him about how I was doing. Patrick said, and Steve confirmed that he was very happy how things were going here (even though we are not quite there yet in terms of getting everything in place). It takes so much longer to do things here that even though it's been 9 months I've been here, it takes time. More so because even when you get someone who's good at their job, they usually aren't the quality you are accustomed to at home. They don't think terribly far ahead so you spend a great deal more time teaching than usual. For example, Pauline is very good. But she's not accustomed to the kind of pace Steve and I set. I spent 2 hours explaining prioritizing and how to use a day timer to write down tasks that she's given each day, how to determine what comes first if she's overloaded – and she is overloaded already – but as she gets accustomed to doing it, it won't take her so long. She also doesn't know how to delegate so even though we have an intern, she doesn't give her anything to do and doesn't explain it well when she does so it comes back full of errors. All of these things take time and experience that can't be learned overnight. Sometimes when you've been working a long time you forget how much you learned over time about the administrative. So I'm pretty proud of my work, even if I do say so myself! J

More fun here. I am just getting over having malaria and dysentery at the same time. I wasn't feeling well when we went up to one of the mine sites on Thursday, I thought it was all the travel over crappy roads but then Sat night it grew into a fever with chills and aches and diarrhoea. Loren gets mad when I don't take medication as soon as I get symptoms but I prefer to wait a day or 2 as I rarely get sick and hate taking anything. He said something like " didn't your internet research tell you that malaria kills people?!".  He is forever teasing me about looking everything up on the internet and that I take medication made by western doctors who've never been to Africa. I took the medication early Sunday morning and spend most of Sunday in bed. I even answered the phone and talked to someone but had no recollection of it later.

 I feel like all I ever talk about is the bad stuff that goes on here and am giving people the wrong impression. Certainly life isn't easy and there are dangerous elements to it but then there are anywhere you go. Here we don't have gang shoot outs and execution style killings. Date rape occurs here for sure but not the Paul Bernardo/serial rapist type. There are no pedophiles to worry about, but there are more drunk/bad drivers, more physicality, more obvious bad influences of sexuality and drinking, but less drugs. Really I don't know what it is but I love being here. There are so many problems but then Burkina isn't like Nigeria or Sudan or Congo or Ivory Coast. It really isn't so violent or political though it definitely has the potential for it. The problems are just different.

For example, I was sitting at the bar with a bunch of guys - which I hate mostly because they are always at the bar, neglecting their wives and families, spending money they don't have, getting drunk, looking at women, and talking garbage. Some old man was teasing Loren that if he didn't marry me soon, he was going to steal me. We got into a conversation about how can you steal a wife and I said, you maybe can't steal her like a radio or a wallet, but in the same way if you leave your house and a robber can come to steal your radio, if you don't spend time with her, someone will come steal your wife's heart. These men were actually surprised and a conversation ensued about what I meant. These guys honestly had no idea that their wife was a person who needed affection and time with them. A couple of men actually got up and went home.

We've had discussions about drinking and driving, smoking/second hand smoke and children's health, cheating on your spouse, and the effects of cell phones on the breakdown of African traditions. People here seem in general more connected to the politics (though not necessarily better at making choices) and goings on. They talk less about television shows and more about real life. It's varied and stimulating and if you can make one person think twice, well that's good enough for me... for now. I don't know how long that will carry me. But then I had the same problem in Canada, where I don't mind going out now and again to a restaurant or to a bar, and having some activities but at the end of the day, what's the point of it? I always get to a point where I feel like there's got to be more than this. And so I feel that here too, it's just hard to get it off the ground because I don't know where to start, whereas in Canada it was difficult from the aspect of availability of time to do things.

I realized why I was saving so much money here. Apart from things being a little cheaper, even though I'm earning about a third of my salary, everything else is paid for. I was given a car, HGS pays for the gas, insurance, maintenance (I don't even have to remember to do the maintenance! Bonus!). They pay my cell phone units, my lunch if I eat at the office, my internet, and a couple flights home per year. Loren pays the rent and I pay my water and electricity, food and whatever, and someone else is paying my mortgage. Probably also the lack of decent shopping is helpful and the fact that I can't get Chapters, Amazon or any other online store to send anything to me here. Gotta love the golden handcuffs!

Hi all, I'm back in Burkina now and although I miss my Benny Bear, I'm
enjoying a bit of freedom, staying out late and seeing people etc.

I wanted to clarify on my last post that when I said I miss my
friends, I didn't mean I don't miss my family. I meant that the only
thing I really miss is people, not places or stuff. Just in case
someone thought that odd.

I don't start back at work til Monday so it's nice to get some free
time although I'm mosting wasting it and not getting my stuff done! I
find the timechange going east easier than going west so don't feel as
tired but I end up staying up late so get up late so don't get many
business hours to do things.

Hi all, well unfortunately or fortunately there seems to less to write
about of late. Loren arrived home on Wed night. His ticket said he was
to arrive at 14h40 (2:40 pm for you non-military Canadians) but
somewhere in the last 7 weeks they changed their schedule and didn't
bother to mention it. So when he called and asked if the plane was on
time, they said "yes of course", but he arrived at the airport to
discover that on time now meant leaving at 7PM and making a stop in
Togo. So he didn't actually arrive in Ouaga until 10PM. His 45 min
flight turned into a 7 hour wait at the airport and a 3 hour flight.

The stories he has are painful to hear. He talks about being spoiled
coming back to Ouaga - he was literally in the bush with nothing,
drinking river water, being swarmed and stung daily by bees, eating
manioc (a kind of mashed up grain) and bush meat - deer, monkeys,
whatever they could kill - so here with electricity, cold beer, and
vegetables, as well as not having to worry about workers striking and
getting shot at, Ouaga probably seems like paradise. Although it's a
lot hotter here, it's less humid (40+ deg and only 35% instead of
35deg and 80%!). Just at night, he said they needed a fire because it
got down to about 18 - 20 deg C. Here, at 4AM it's still over 30deg.

Loren was amazed at how much Ben had grown in 2 months. He was also
amazed at how big the cat was and immediately started talking about
putting it in a casserole with wine sauce. I THINK he's joking.

At least he's home. I found myself strangely distant when he arrived.
Part of me was expecting that we had to start all over again and it
was as if I was shut off from our relationship and had to be
re-started, like a car that's been parked for 7 weeks. It didn't take
too long to get back up to speed and the next part in some ways
doesn't seem so bad anymore, in others feels worse. It will be 10
weeks and I will have been re-Canadianized somewhat so we'll see how
it goes. At least I have something to look forward to. Like being
freezing cold! I'm bringing my coat!

We went to a funeral this morning. It was our friend Michel's
grandmother who died. So we drove out to her village. She was a
chief's wife so it was kind of a big deal. We sat out under mango
trees eating chicken and rice, and pork and french fries, drinking
coke, beer, whiskey, water. I wore a knee- length skirt and still
managed to get a light sun burn on my legs under the trees as my legs
haven't seen sun in 8 months. We sat and talked, and Ben of course was
bored, as all children are at parent functions. Fortunately Loren has
a couple friends who are quite amusing. Yves showed Ben how to make
origami boxes. Yves is also absolutely hysterical and had us nearly
crying because we were laughing so hard. He likes to mix english and
french. So he said things like, we were traversing the school yard in
running, and told Ben that he was to "be regarding me during my
conception" (regard in french is to watch, and conception is a design
- so totally different than the english).

During the funeral, they do something of a salute - anything that has
to do with the chief, they do 4 shots from a gun, just powder, no
ammo. This happened to be a muzzle-load shot gun. What was funny -
along the lines of being in the desert, by camel ride and hearing cell
phones go off - was the first round of shot set off a bunch of car
alarms. I think I nearly peed from laughing so hard.

Having said that, I don't think I quite have the hang of their humour.
Loren was telling the story of a group of friends who had very little
so they decided to pool their resources to send one to Europe to get a
job. So each of them sold all their possessions - bikes, everything -
and sent one guy to Europe. 2 weeks later they see him again and ask
him what he's doing back. He says "it's cold up there". And everyone
around the table bursts into laughter.

Another one, that I did think was funny but not nearly as funny as
everyone else seem to think: a boy at school is asked to write a story
describing a picture. The picture shows a boy being chased by a
crocodile. The boy writes: Drissa nage (swims), crocodile nage. Drissa
nage nage, crocodile nage nage. Drissa nage, nage, nage, nage, nage,
nage!!!!! Crocodile nage, nage, nage, nage, nage, nage!!!!

And some of you are thinking, what the hell is wrong with you?!

Anyway, it seems odd that I will be home in less than 2 months. Let me
know if you have any requests for artwork, batiq, cloth, statues,
masks, or little instruments. I won't buy a djembe - too heavy. Benny
is staying until the end of August. Then he gets one more month of
vacation when he arrives here. I am checking out 2 new schools near my
office since he seems terribly bored where he is. We'll see how that
goes. But I'll miss him!! We've never been apart that long!

Off to shower then to bed. I don't think my hair has been 100% dry for
nearly a month now. Your scalp sweats and your hair stays wet inspite
of/because of ? 40 deg weather. Keeps you cooler anyway. I'm getting
used to sleeping soaked in sweat. Just a few more weeks of this, but
then the mosquitoes will be back too. Africans don't believe me when I
talk about the mosquitoes, horse flies and black flies in Northern
Ontario and in some of the parks. But at least those don't carry death
and disease like malaria and sleeping sickness.

I will be going to Ghana in a few weeks and am debating about taking
Ben with me so I can stay a little longer. We may have to drive to
Tamale (about 6 hours costing about $600 total airfare and another
$200 in gas) and fly from there because from Ouaga to Accra is just
too expensive (about $900 Canadian for me and $600 for him). Our
Burkina visas have expired, as has my Ghana visa. Should be an
interesting trip for him. I also have to do a couple minesite tours so
don't want to leave him too much.

http://www.evebrownwaite.com/

I mentioned that the current bain of my existence and at the same
time, my saviour, is ebooks.com. I typed Burkina Faso into the search,
and came up with a bunch of boring World Bank stuff that costs
ridiculous amounts of money, and this.

First comes love; then comes malaria.

I laughed so hard at the title, I bought the book instantly and read
it all... today. This woman's writing is terrifically down to earth
and she sounds ever so much the JAP (Jewish American Princess) she
paints herself to be.

Yet for me, too much of what she was saying sounded familiar - things
I've thought about, worries, fears, mental debates I've had, when I
was here before, when I was at home wondering why I wasn't in Africa,
and now that I've returned. We don't have landmines and gunfire to
deal with here but much else is too similar.

Hope you read it, enjoy!

Running out of excuses for not posting photos! Now that I have regular internet. Okay so they're a little out of order.
We have Benny back in March, playing on the computer.

April 13, 2010 - Time for an update. I haven't written in quite some
time. It's been a tough few weeks, I've spent a lot of time reading
and just thinking. My boss was here over Easter and so I was running
about for much of that time. As I get to know him I realize that
Steve, my boss is someone I have a great deal to learn from on both a
personal and professional level, though we don't agree on a lot of
stuff.

Loren has been away now for 5 weeks and will be home in 2 more weeks,
which is great except the week following that we go through yet
another long separation, even longer than this one, 10 weeks instead
of 7. It sounds kind of silly when I say it that way. I mean really,
what's 10 weeks, it's not even 3 months. But this time has felt
interminable and I worry the next will be worse. Planning for the trip
to Canada and the actual trip itself will probably fly so I'm sure it
will feel shorter. That and it won't be hot season anymore.
This hot season has been strangely, not as hot as usual. Instead of
harmattan coming in January and having a normal cool winter (I swear
Mom! It gets cold at night here! – she doesn't believe me), we had a
rather warm one. But then mid-March when it was supposed to be the
normal "hot", we had harmattan and actually had some nights where one
could use sheets. We did have a few days of 45/46 degree weather but
it hasn't been a lot. Now it's April. Rainy season is around the
corner so the humidity is mounting – it's trying to rain, and it has
in areas to the west and the south, but not here yet. So it's 42
degrees and probably 50% humidity.

It's hard to explain temperatures over 40 to someone who's never
experienced it. Everything is hot. You lie in your bed at night and
the mattress is warmer than body temperature, like someone with a
fever was lying there before you. The walls are hot, your shampoo and
soap feel hot. And of course the water is hot because it's up in a
concrete water tower all day. Overnight we are still around 38 until
about 3 or 4 AM when it finally drops to 30. Everything is pretty much
made of concrete so it takes awhile to cool down especially if it was
in the sun. I find it interesting that at the office, the interior
stays fairly cool, even though we may not have had the aircon on
because of power outs. Yet at my house, even if I close all the
shutters, the inside still gets really hot, perhaps it's not
adequately isolated, meaning the office has another door closing off
the hallway to the interior, whereas my house does not. Anyway,
working on the concepts of hot and cold because air conditioning is
not always an option.

Power outs. SONABEL (National Burkina Electricity company) is
obviously a monopoly, more or less like Ontario Hydro (and still is
really) was or Hydro Quebec is. It's not like you've got somewhere
else to go for power – unless you buy a generator, which is where
we're headed for the office. Some days it's not so bad, a few hours.
This hot season has been very bad, power outs started happening back
in late Feb, they started being daily in March and by end of March,
you could expect that the power would be out for as much as 50 hours
per week. Yup, like a third of the week. It's been 7 hours a day for
the most part, which hours seems to change weekly so I guess everyone
gets a fair dose. They were nice enough to leave the power on most of
the Easter weekend in my area. Generally, power is on before one would
go to bed but still there have been a number of nights where we slept
outside and power came on at 2AM. I have aircon but have avoided using
it up until recently – the humidity is just too much and the house is
no longer cooling down enough to sleep in. It still feels 40 inside
and the fan just blows hot air around. Rather than put on 2 A/C, I
just let Ben sleep in my room. I put the A/C at 27 to cool the room
off before sleep, then to 30 to sleep, then I shut it off/open the
windows/turn on the fan at 3AM. Aircon is crazy expensive here. My
usual electricity bills with a fridge (20 years old, Freon,
inefficient as hell, from Italy that we bought for $250), regular
computer/internet use, cell phone charging, and about 6 ceiling fans
runs about $50/month. At the office, with the same but with at least
one A/C running pretty much all the time, the bill came to $300 for
one month and that was with the power being off half the time! It's a
little frustrating being hot, tempers tend to flare so it's always
good to keep your sense of humour with you.

There is some kind of rich irony somewhere that I'm sitting here right
now with a terrible heat rash all over my neck and from about the
knees down, but shivering because I'm covered in sweat and sitting
under a fan. Poor Benny's neck looks like he's about 100 years old.
It's absolutely covered in heat rash. He insists it doesn't bother
him, he wouldn't tell me if it did, but I don't see him scratching it.
I tried putting this powder on it called Salvatis powder, everyone
here uses it. My legs are covered in it, works great for getting rid
of the itch but for some reason it made Ben worse, so we're using a
cortisone cream which doesn't make me very happy but seems to work
well... until he sweats it off running around. I can't imagine how he
manages at school where I don't know that they even have a fan. 17
little bodies, stuffed into an 10 x 20 foot room in 42 degree heat.
To be honest though, using A/C just seems to make the humidity worse
which is the other reason I try to limit my use. Stepping out of a 25
deg, air-conditioned room to a 42 degree, humid day is like walking
into Hell itself.

Where Loren is, in Central African Republic, is probably a lot kinder
climate-wise, running daytime about 35 degrees (although the humidity
is high and they've had a few good rainfalls) and 25 at night.
However, fact is he's in the bush (probably where he'd rather be
anyway) but he's also not too far from where the LRA have entered back
in the CAR from Sudan. He's about 80km from the raids and fighting,
where the rebels have stolen vehicles, food and killed a number of
people. It's not as bad as it is in DR Congo, where thankfully our
friend Nick is no longer stationed. Loren has had other problems such
as a bunch of his workers went on strike so he had to fire them, lack
of supplies, fuel, money. He said it was the same as last time but
this time he knew so he's not pulling out his hair. He figures he's
getting about 30% of what he could be doing if they would actually
fund and resource the job properly. Makes working in Burkina sound
like a dream.

I had to laugh. I was out to a mine site visiting clients. These
clients are from a Canadian company, and most of them are French
Canadian. When I tell them that I'm actually on sabbatical from the
Canadian government, they laugh and ask me "so what's harder? Working
in Burkina or working for the government?" To be honest, the
frustrations are quite similar. Bureaucracy beyond compare, procedures
that change before you have a chance to write them down, people who
have no advance planning skills who spend more of their time figuring
out why it's not their responsibility than they spend doing their job.
Not 100% true, in either place but remarkable.

Benny has added recently to his list of health issues – he broke his
nose and has determined that he is allergic to school – at least the
one he's currently attending. Before Easter, before my boss arrived,
we had Dembele's son, Djamal sleep over for a few days. We had power
out as usual, just before bedtime, so the boys put the mattresses
outside for sleeping on. They decided to wrestle a bit, Ben was lying
on the mattress and Djamal fell backwards on to him. Normally this
would probably not cause a problem but because it was power out and
thus pitch black, Ben didn't see it coming and did nothing to protect
himself. The back of Djamal's head met squarely with Ben's nose. When
I got a flashlight on him, there was blood everywhere and quite
clearly he had broken his nose. After a bit of ice on his nose, the
bleeding stopped and the swelling went down, and they headed off to
bed – I on the other hand was ready for some Valium or something! Poor
Benny! Poor mommy! That really freaked me out. His nose still hurts
but of course that doesn't prevent him from trying to wrestle his
friends or playing soccer and crashing into people – which makes me
totally CRAZY!!

Then there's our cat who is providing a great deal of, uh,
entertainment. He is a real hunter and has grown to be quite large
given he's only 7 months old. His expertise? – lizards, geckos. I was
treated to the lovely feeling of stepping on a fresh, dead gecko he
left me under my seat at the dining room table. Fortunately I was
wearing shoes. The baby ones he eats which is also disgusting. Other
presents include cockroaches (they are 2 inches long here, they climb
out of the drains – he doesn't eat those thankfully) and any other
large bugs he can get ahold of. He caught some kind of grasshopper
thing last night – it was huge, and could jump/fly up to the ceiling
before coming back to the floor. Caught it mid-jump and then had a
ball with it. He was so hot, he would stop and pant like a dog in
between. I was worried about him so made him stay in my bedroom
overnight to cool off (had the A/C on so the floor isn't 40 degrees).
There are also these big, black shrews (like giant rats) that skulk
around the yard. I don't think he'll mess with them because they stink
and are really mean, but we've had him vaccinated just in case. Benny
is quite attached to him (me too, he is awfully cute!) so I feel bad
because I know animals don't tend to last very long here, certainly
not the 18 years a cat can live in Canada. He'll either get sick, or
get killed, possibly by another cat, a dog, or someone looking for a
meal.

This probably still all sounds very negative. Yet for whatever reason
it's just the way things are and it doesn't feel nearly as stressful
as being in Canada does. A friend sent me an email today (verified on
Snopes http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/bell.asp ) in which the
Washington Post has a famous violinist play in the Metro Station in
Washington DC. Joshua Bell played 6 intricate Bach pieces for 45
minutes on his multi-million dollar 1713 Stradivarius, during rush
hour, in which time over 1000 people passed him. Only 6 people stop to
listen and 20 people give him money, without stopping. He earns about
$32 for his effort. The irony being that he played a concert 2 nights
before in Boston where the average cost of a seat was $100 and he
plays on average 200 international concerts a year. Only one person
recognized him. I'm figuring the average person wouldn't know good
violin playing from average, never mind exceptional, and had it been a
singer it might have been taken more note of. However, the point is
taken and there is a sense of people sadly shaking their heads at the
truth of what that story tells. The point is, that would never happen
here (first there's no subway so everyone is in a vehicle or on a
motorbike but other than that!). People here will take time to stop
and watch or listen to a street performer, even if they aren't good,
just for the entertainment of it. People will stop and dance to music
in the street, even professionals, even if the quality of music isn't
good because the sound system is terrible. So even when I tell you
horrible sounding stories, I still will tell you that I'm less
stressed and less out of sorts that I was when in Canada. There is a
calmness and a sense of guided purpose (even when I don't know what
I'm doing!) and a feeling that I'm in the right place at the moment,
that somehow makes all the challenges and frustrations okay. I also
don't get as frustrated because I feel it's more about learning my own
response than it is about dealing with the frustration. Really that's
what it's about anywhere but perhaps I cut Burkinabe more slack than I
cut Canadians.

Ooo! I just heard thunder! Hopefully that means rain...

Hi all,

Here is the revised schedule. I had wanted to go to Ottawa first so
Ben could visit his old school but it would mean having to go to
Ottawa twice from Toronto. Going to Guelph twice is easier!

Friday June 25 to Monday June 29 - Guelph
Monday June 29 to Monday July 5 - Toronto/ Niagara Falls (probably on
the weekend)
Monday July 5 to Thursday July 15 - Ottawa
Friday July 16 to Sunday July 18 - Guelph and Toronto (fly out Sunday night)

Ben of course will be there longer. Felicia is the director of his
social agenda so you'll have to book your time with her!

Coming home...
Well as some of you knew, I was only going for a year, August 2009 to
August 2010. That time was for Ben to spend some time with Loren and
learn about where his dad comes from, and it was for Loren and I to
spend some time together as well. I booked my tickets last year, in
early May and you can only book 330 days in advance so even though I
can stay for a year, the latest date I could book was end of March. So
of course it's getting close to the time when I would have to decide
if I wanted to stay longer, and if so, how much longer.
Loren is heading to Central African Republic next week which I knew
was going to happen at some point during our stay. He originally had a
6 week contract and they have now added 2 months on to it, so he'll be
back end of April for 10 days but then heads back again until early
July. That's a big chunk of time away. So we talked about what we
wanted to do and we decided that Ben and I would stay longer. I was
mostly concerned about whether or not to change my tickets since that
would cost about $500 plus whatever fare increase there was. We also
decided Ben would benefit from going back to Canada for the summer
(July is a particularly unpleasant month here with lots of
thunderstorms and heavy rains). So we're coming home at the end of
June (arriving 4pm Thurs June 24 in Toronto – I fly back to Burkina on
Sunday July 18th). I get 4 weeks off so I will be returning to Burkina
mid-July but Ben will stay until some time in August. So the title of
this post was a little misleading. We are coming home, but for a
visit.
We haven't set a timeline for how much longer yet but I will again
have to be thinking about it around October as my sabbatical expires
November 17th and I have to decide if I am going to return to the
government. My thinking right now is that I definitely would not
return to my old job (they haven't filled it yet), but I don't know
that I would leave the public service entirely. I had several offers
on the table when I left, a few in government working for people that
would be interesting to learn from, a few in the private and
non-governmental sectors. I figure my current experience will make me
just that much more saleable, with the added responsibilities.
Ben's doing well at school but he's bored. For the fundamentals, he's
doing more than he would have in Canada but they don't have a very
good balance. The science is almost totally lacking, as is art and
music. At least he's getting a whole lot more exercise than he was,
he's like a string bean, long and lanky, and all muscle. He rides his
bike (Loren and I got him one for Christmas) and plays soccer every
day. He's outside running around for a minimum of 2 hours every day.
At night we read, or talk, or play games like Monopoly or Scrabble. On
the rare occasion, we watch a movie or play video games on the
computer. There's a whole lot less computer time than there was and we
are down to one movie every other week!
I've largely healed from the accident although I'm still having a few
problems due to my shoulders and my broken rib - sit ups and pushups
are definitely out. I've unfortunately gained some weight (and lost
muscle) so feeling a little pudgy but it will come off again as I get
back into my routines.
Work is going okay. It's still pretty stressful with all the stuff to
learn and the staff are not making it much easier. They aren't really
the kind to take their own initiative, in fact if I'm not watching,
they'll sit around and do nothing, not even the stuff I gave them to
do. I'm having to learn all the taxes (9 kinds of taxes!), labour
laws, English and French accounting practices, international
importation and exportation procedures, as well as all the products,
their uses, selling and getting to know the clients – much of it in
French, as well as all the cultural things both in Burkina and in
Ghana. My head feels pretty full lately, actually over my head but I
figured it would take me a good 6 months to feel comfortable – maybe a
whole year! We have a new GM with an accounting background starting.
He's been a GM at a large logistics company so we are hoping for a big
turnaround in the company. It's reached critical mass and needs to get
more of the right people in.
Anyway, that's the deal. I know a lot of people who won't be terribly
happy that we're staying but the next few months I think will be
fairly telling. If you can handle hot season in Burkina, you can
probably handle anything. We didn't get much of a Harmattan or winter
and we jumped into hot season about a month early. It was 45 deg C
when I arrived back from my trip to Ghana on Wed March 4. Hoping for
some early rains as we have daily power outs (it was from 6pm til 9:30
pm tonight!) and will likely have some water shortages soon too.
So that's the word for the moment. I'm hoping to catch up with a lot
of people so I'll post more about when I'll be in what cities. I am
tentatively thinking (this is VERY tentative)
• Ottawa June 25 to July 1,
• Toronto and Niagara July 1 to July 5,
• Guelph July 5 to July 12,
• Ottawa again July 12 to 16 and
• Toronto July 17 and 18, when I fly out at 7pm.

See you then

It's been a month since the last update. It's been a busy one. Gramma
Lungren changed her flight a couple times I think, as she didn't feel
ready to go but finally she headed off to France. Unfortunately that
was while we were away so we didn't see her off. Apparently Air France
was fantastic with Gramma Lungren, makes sure she had a wheelchair and
that she was comfortable. Clark has also headed off to Central Africa,
two canes in hand.

The 25th was a very long day. First waiting for the plane to arrive,
then finding out it was nearly an hour late, then waiting, watching
all the other people get off before finally spying my mother and
sister. It was nearly 11PM by the time we got them settled at the
hotel… with Benny of course. I went back to get them the next day,
after they had a swim and a good lunch. Then we showed them the REAL
Burkina. Lol.

We got back to our house and just hung out a bit. We left on Wed
(after much difficulty getting a rental truck) to go to Nazinga for
Benny's birthday. We didn't really celebrate it as we had planned the
party for the farm on Friday night. We did a tour on Thur and saw a
lot of baboons, a few elephants, coba, and warthogs. When we got back
to the camp, it was strangely empty of animals, normally there are
elephants in the water hole. The weather was really bizarre too so
that might have been it. Finally just before we left, they arrived at
the hole, but the kids were too tired to even want to look. We had
lunch on the way out then, drove to the farm.

We had Benny's party Friday night. We were waiting for Derek and
Myriam but they were quite late so we started the paddywhack machine
without them. Uncle Derek did help with the Royal bumps tho. Benny got
some nice presents including a remote control police car and
basketballs. We left on Saturday back to Ouaga. I took Felicia and
Bryanna around Ouaga a bit on Sunday - a good day to go as there is
practically no one. As it was just haggling for some cloth was very
tiresome for them. The heat does get to you even if you are used to it
but coming from winter in Canada makes it even harder.

Benny was sick on Sunday with a high fever, so Gramma stayed home with
him. We had planned to go to Gorom on Monday but with Benny sick,
Loren thought it best to wait. So we super dosed him with cipro and he
was better Monday afternoon.

Tuesday we left, stopped in Bani (arriving at noon - not ideal!) and
saw all the mosques - most of which were damaged from the Sept 1
floods but it was neat to see them. I had been there in 1998 and there
was only one at the time which foreigners weren't allowed to enter.
The guide called ahead to Dori for a guide for us. Ali took us to
Oursi to see the dunes and the marsh. We ended up stuck on the side of
the road half way between Gorom and Oursi with a radiator full of
holes. The driver had been a little hard on the truck and now it was
overheating. So we stopped at a village which had probably never seen
white people up close before (only ever in 4x4s whizzing by). So we
were surrounded in the car while the driver and Ali, and village men
chewed tabacco to fill the hole. The kids found that a bit tiresome,
you feel a bit like a caged animal, especially when the French they
know is limited to 'donnes-moi bonbon/argent/cadeau' (give me
candy/money/gift) and 'ca va?' (how are you?). Finally we refilled,
and were on our way.

The kids had fun at the dunes, rolling down the hill. We watched the
sun set then returned to the lodgings. We stayed overnight in the only
lodging in town basically - which were a bunch of straw Peul huts… you
have to crawl to get in. Because of the sand, my bed was on a tilt,
which was actually good for me to sleep on, except I couldn't turn
over. We turned in early, although probably only Ben and I slept well.

The next day we tried to get in to see the Museum in Oursi but you had
to drive up a sandy hill to get there and our truck got stuck
(actually just the driver didn't know how to put the vehicle into
4-wheel drive). So we headed to Gorom. We sent the driver with the
truck back to Dori to get it repaired by a guy that Loren knows there.
(Loren was highly amused that we phoned him to tell him we were having
problems, and that we wanted the number of the same mechanic his dad
had used when HIS family was visiting Gorom). We went to ride on
camels and sleep in the desert. We bought nice blue and purple turbans
for the occasion (also good for keeping sun and dust off).

The kids had great rides - it was about 12km and took over 2 hours to
get there - they had comfy camels with a couple guys sitting behind
them holding them on. Felicia had the ornery teenage camel, my mom had
a really old one that you had to whip to make it move faster than a
plod, I had a bad saddle which left me with a welt on my butt - so I
got down about half way and walked the rest of the way. It was hot and
dusty but my butt felt better that way!

We arrived, and they prepared a big bonfire and a meal of spaghetti
made with a very fat chicken. By the time the meal was ready, the kids
were asleep, so we ate and prepared for bed. Given how hot it was in
the day, you couldn't imagine how cold it was at night. We only had 1
blanket for the 5 of us. I was okay as I kept my turban on and I used
another turban as a sheet. Felicia ended up using Ben's t-shirt as a
head warmer. Mom was on the end and was not a happy camper - it was
cold. She was better once I finally convinced her that wrapping her
head was going to keep her warmer than putting her head under the
blanket. We slept on a mat, and started evenly spread out but when I
woke up at 2 AM, I was in the same place and the other 4 were huddled
in a small group about a metre away. The kids were warm, it seems but
I know neither Felicia nor my mother slept well. The only time I was
really cold was about 5:30 AM when it seemed to turn really cold. To
keep warm, the camel "shepherds" make a hot bitter tea. I woke up at
2am and had a cup which turned out to be a mistake as I was awake til
4 with all the caffeine.

On the way back we phoned the driver to come get us. Only Felicia and
Ben took the camels back. I got some great pics and video of them
racing along. When we finally got back in the car, we were too tired
to even think about going to the market. The driver promptly got us
stuck in the sand again so we had to get out before we could leave. We
finally got on the road about 10, got to Dori for 11 to drop Ali back
off and eat lunch. We arrived at Kaya, about 100k from Ouaga, making
good time, when something large and metal fell off the car. The driver
stopped and put it in, then did 70kph all the way back so taking an
extra hour to get back. We were beat when we got back!

Felicia and Bryanna left the following night. It was pretty hard on
Benny to see them go. But he still has his Gramma here. He is feeling
like he misses Canada and his friends. I know this will pass since he
was completely fine before they came, in fact he was comparing how
much he liked Africa compared to Canada and Burkina was marginally
ahead. He is feeling sad to the point where he told my mom that he
thinks I love Loren more than him because I'm putting what Loren wants
(for us to be in Burkina) ahead of what Ben wants (to go to Canada).
Also Ben is kind of acting up lately, he's been taking money to buy
stuff and trying to sneak it out. He said he found the money but I
know he took it from the dish of change I have for him to go buy bread
in the morning. Mostly he buys candy to share with his friends but I
don't think it's about candy since Felicia brought a whole cupboard
full from Canada, and the other day he bought a sponge (he said he
needed it for school). So now I have to deal with him lying and taking
money as well as the Canada issue. But then he's 8 so I'm sure this is
just the beginning of more complicated issues to come.

It was hard having my family here. My mother and I don't tend to get
along well to start with - although I told her about the comment I
made in my last blog about her not coming to see me, but Ben so I had
a built in babysitter (Felicia told me some people thought I was being
derogatory towards her and that she might be offended but I was being
more self-depreciating and it wasn't meant to be insulting). She
thought it was funny because there is enough truth in it to make it
so. Anyway, we have had a big fight already but did manage to come to
some understanding as we usually do eventually. But mostly it was
stressful because I wanted so much for them to understand what I like
about being here but couldn't figure out how to show them. I felt like
if I couldn't all they would see was how dirty and difficult life is
here, and all the stuff that Benny was missing. It didn't help that
Felicia was sick when they got home. I appreciated them coming but I
found my two weeks off anything but relaxing. They seemed to enjoy
themselves anyway, and my mom seems to still be enjoying her stay. She
gets out for walks when Ben is at school; although the surrounding
neighbourhood is a little limited it's pretty different from home so
I'm guessing it's sort of interesting for her. I found a girl who
speaks English to take her around to the market and downtown a couple
days, and I hope to send her with Ben one afternoon to see the
crocodiles and to do a couple other short day trips before she goes -
the zoo, the museum, etc.

Since the trip, work has been hairy. Somehow, when you are gone, you
end up doing an extra 2 weeks work in advance of leaving, and an extra
2 weeks when you come back. That's some wonky math in my books.
Anyway, it was a ridiculously busy week. We did a trip to Youga, in
the south of Burkina. Normally we take the road between Manga and
Zabre but that road is so awful normally, and we had to get the car
out of the country to renew the "laisser-passer" (permit for having a
foreign car in the country) so we went through Ghana. It took us
nearly 6 hours to go as we got lost. Then there was no border crossing
at Youga so my passport currently indicates that I'm still in Ghana as
I've not been stamped back in. Turns out that we can get a
laisser-passer in Zabre without leaving the country and they also had
fixed the road (sort of - now it takes 90min to drive the 100km
instead of 2 hours) so our trip to Ghana was a complete waste of time
and caused more problems than it solved.

I've been having a few problems with the guy they sent me from Ghana,
Andrews. He is constantly bothering the guys who are doing the
workshop. He is always watching them and making sure they are doing a
good job but he's constantly getting in their way too. He had me come
out to look at it because he didn't believe they would be able to get
the shelving in after the building was enclosed. I told him they can
be taken apart. Then he was worried because there was a beam in the
middle of the room, wouldn't that get in the way of the shelving. I
told him it was going to be holding the shelving up so no, it was
fine. Apparently while I was gone to Gorom, he thought that the
contractor (Loren) was putting in too many air bricks, that because
they weren't solid, we must be getting ripped off. So he had them put
in solid bricks at the top. Unfortunately this now means that all the
heat will be trapped in the top part of the building and the fans will
be pushing hot air down. I have no idea why Loren listened to him and
it's all mortared in now so unless I get them to rip it out, that's
the way it's going to stay. Now he's wondering why we don't have the
green lacquered roofing like the house. The reason is that it's double
the price but doesn't reduce the heat within the building enough to
justify paying double. We didn't buy the cheapest stuff but couldn't
justify paying an addition couple grand for the best stuff. It's his
attention to detail that makes him good at what he does but he's
stepping outside his area of expertise and is starting to create
problems because of it. I don't know him well enough yet to deal with
him effectively. I already made a huge mistake criticizing him in
front of Pauline. He was using our cleaning lady to serve his friends
dinner on a Friday night. We got a Ghanaian girl so she could
understand what he wanted and cook Ghanaian food but her hours are
quite specific. I was not happy with him and felt I needed to correct
it quickly. I apologized afterwards but it wasn't the best way to
start.

As if dealing with Andrews and Ben and work and my mother wasn't
stressful enough, Loren is preparing for his trip to Central African
Republic. He's taking Dembele with him which will be good since I
think he finds it frustrating trying to get the guys there to help
him. With Dembele he has someone he can count on who knows what he's
trying to do. I'm not really happy about it but it's hard to begrudge
when it's such a good opportunity, for both of them. The money is
really good and it gets Loren's CV a big boost, having worked
internationally and with the European Union. More I feel bad for Ben
since Loren's leaving with coincide with my mother leaving, and I have
to go to Ghana right after. I asked Carol (Loren's mom) to watch him
as it will be a hard time for him, and she will but then she's leaving
too a few weeks after to go back to Canada for 6 months. It's going to
be a difficult time for him. But I think I can use it as a teaching
tool as well. This was the sort of thing I think Loren had to deal
with all the time growing up, a constant stream of people coming in
and out of his life. It will also be challenging as it will be hot
season and tempers can be short when it's that hot. We're trying to
get the air conditioners fixed beforehand so at least sleeping can be
comfortable. Otherwise we might be sleeping outside!

Now that I have a better internet connection, thanks to work, I will
try to get some photos up.

Anyway, Happy Valentine's to those who celebrate it. It's almost as
crazy as Christmas here with booths set up all over the place for
wrapping presents.