This has to be the meanest April fools joke I've ever seen. Apparently the curfew WASN"T over on Friday - it just ended today in fact. But there was someone texting people and telling people it WAS over. There were apparently some 350 people arrested on Friday in Ouaga for being out after curfew. Not sure where they put them all.

Hi all,

The blog hasn't really been happening I guess. I kinda feel like it just turned into maunderings about normal stuff that everyone goes through. It was a worthwhile thing to do at the time but I guess I would rather connect with people on a more individual basis. I'm getting a new computer (I don't think I mentioned previously that we were robbed and had pretty much everything electronic stolen - fortunately my work computer was at work) so soon will again be in regular contact. We're getting Skype too. The work computer doesn't have a webcam so I'm making sure that the next computer does.

When we were only going to be here for a year, I guess I was fairly focused on accomplishing what I thought I should for that year. The thinking being I'd be home soon anyway so just to be present where I was. Now, I'm here for yet another year and as that progresses it becomes less and less certain what the future holds in terms of location and long term plans. Things are evolving with Loren and me and although I'm not really closer to a particular answer, as the picture gets filled in the future will show itself. I find myself thinking about the contacts and relations I've left behind and how I maintain that as ultimately to me, that's what makes life worthwhile.

After a great deal of stress with work (as my last blog details every drop of blood I sweated!) it's only gotten worse - to the point where I was again experiencing road rage and wanting to run people over with my car. I also physically threatened to kill someone if they f'd up again - and I meant it. That one I'll give myself some grace because it was the guard who we pay to protect the house whom I've caught sleeping just about every night. The nights he wasn't sleeping - he took off somewhere without telling me. I had to go meet someone and Ben was asleep. I told the guard that this is the end of the year when there are lots of thefts. If he's sleeping then someone could kill him. My son is in the house and if anything happens to my son, I would personally kill him with my bear hands. He definitely didn't sleep that night. One night I came out and kicked him - still doesn't deter him. The next time, I'm going to bind him up with duct tape and put chili powder up his nose. Sounds cruel, but when you've had your house robbed and this guys only job requirement is that he stays conscious for 8 hours well, it's annoying.

Anyway, I got sick again - I honestly think it was the stress. I love the terms - makes your blood boil, or seeing red. I've had those happen and I'm pretty sure they aren't good for you. And again all of it stems from someone not doing their job or doing it so badly it creates huge problems. We've been trying to import our products going through the proper channels - meaning you get an inspection by COTECNA before you ship and then going through customs should be easier. Well COTECNA was a nightmare which I can hardly explain with the amount of back and forth trying to get papers, having to resubmit documents 2 and 3 times because they were lost. When it was all finally done and we had our truck in Ouaga we couldn't take it out of customs because some idiot translated an item from grease gun (pistolet) to rockets (fusille). To transport arms across international borders of course requires special papers which we of course don't have because well, we're not shipping arms. However I was warned that finding anything remotely like arms on my truck would require that I be imprisoned which doesn’t do much to improve my mood. So we took everything off the truck and they were satisfied that there were no rockets and let us leave. I think I could have killed someone. The process that should have taken a total of 10 days from start to finish and could have been done by my secretary turned into 5 weeks of me phoning clients reassuring that their stuff is coming, redoing documents, working weekends, having meetings and finally being threatened with prison.

So it's probably not a huge wonder I was sick the following Monday. I got to work, worked for a few hours then felt tired, I also had a low grade fever and what looked like an allergic reaction where my skin was clear but you could see it was red underneath - hard to describe but the skin itself wasn't red just underneath was - more like carbon monoxide poisoning if you've ever seen that. Someone had my car so I couldn't go home. So I lay down in one of the rooms. To say I fell asleep would be an understatement - I crashed. It was closer to being knocked unconscious. I slept for an hour, and then someone drove me home. Over the next 48 hours, I slept for 36. In the few I was awake, I went to the clinic. From the blood work he said I have typhoid fever, salmonella poisoning and that I'm anemic. Add an allergic reaction and of course that's a fantastic recipe for being tired. A week later and I was still tired. I could drink a coffee and go directly to sleep all night. The dreams that go with that concoction of drugs are quite interesting as well.

I got a medical certificate to be off work for 10 day and I tried to go to work earlier but got up at 1PM so that doesn't really work. I still worked at home - responding to emails, and doing some work that needs doing that doesn't require my presence in the office. I went in to do salaries and make sure they had money to pay bills for month end and for errands. But that's it. Anytime something stressed me, I'd drop it immediately and do something else. Spent a lot of time on facebook and buying Christmas presents for my family online. I wandered around facebook and looked about 15 people's pages randomly just to see what was happening in their lives, sent emails to friends I hadn't connected with in awhile and seeing lots of pregnancies and newborns which was exciting. Then there were deaths too, like a friend from high school I've recently reconnected with whose mother died a month ago. I always remember her mom as being someone who was very hard and driven. My friend was one of the few whose parents were divorced. In the 80s that was rare. Now having been a single parent, I can sympathize with how hard that must have been to deal with 2 kids and a divorce. I can also see through the in memoriam and videos that were put together that she was actually a very loving person and an extremely giving person, who contributed a lot to the community around her. I look at my own parents and sort of see them as people who are kind of floating through life – driven people but with side-blinders on. I am inspired to see the great things this woman did. It comes at a time when I'm wondering what a real life looks like. I have a busy life, no doubt - a parent working full time, in a stressful and demanding job. But what is it that makes you look at life and have those moments of satisfaction where you did a good job and really felt like you contributed or made a difference? I can't criticize my parents - I only hope that they have those moments of satisfaction in their life - I just think what I think is important or what inspires me is quite different than what it is for them.

It's like that line in City Slickers I guess where you have to find out that "one thing" for yourself, because it's different for everyone. I know for me, connecting with people is really important. And as much as I flit in an out of people's lives because I move so much, I still reach back, and I hope that even though I can't stay 100% current with people due to distance and sheer numbers, that everyone knows how much I care about them and how grateful I am that I've been blessed to know so many wonderful people. There are the differences too between the small pleasures like petting an animal or reading a good book, and the larger things like helping someone make an important decision or giving someone a needed push in the right direction. I'm thinking part of it is reflecting on the things you do to take the time to witness where you have made those contributions - not so much for others to recognize but just for yourself to recognize and take some joy from them. I think about how stressed I get when these problems arise and I realize that I take problems quite personally - both from the perspective that somehow I should have been able to avoid it and also that whoever created the problem did it intentionally or without consideration for me - fundamentally lacking respect for me and my time. Neither is really a useful way of looking at the problem. Others might find satisfaction in dealing with those kind of things but I just feel angry, tired and resentful - victimized even.

So in terms of here, as with life every time I move (which is frequently so you'd think I'd be used to it by now!) I am still trying to find my way, my place in the community. Loren's friends love me and think I'm crazy. I'm of course nothing like any of the other women they know and they are fun to talk to. But even at home there is only so much satisfaction in sitting around talking to people, even where you can connect and be helpful. I've been trying to get more involved in the life of Derek's family - arranging dinner or outings once a month with the children and a "mommies night" for Myriam and myself to talk and pray and hang out. At 32 she's gotten somewhat lost in being a mother and working, and has forgotten what fundamental gave her joy in life for herself. Perhaps we will discover together. There is the language barrier and there are the strong cultural differences but it's interesting to go through that learning together.

The sky is this absolutely phenomenal colour right now - a pink and orange glow. The best parts of Harmattan, it's so dusty and will only get worse, your nose is always full and you constantly feel the need to wash BUT it's nice and cool at night, to the point where you need sheets and a blanket, and the sunsets are really incredible and almost every day like that - both a product of the dust. And there are less bugs.

I am to the point where I don't want to lead anymore. I am tired of feeling like I'm the only person who does stuff because it needs doing, because it's right to do so. I keep asking the question "why am I leading this?" I ask it both of work and of my family life. I got tired of watching everyone do things in a half assed way around me, tired of telling people how to do their job and why it’s important to do it well (rarely get there); tired of telling people why they need to respect their wives and families (this is a losing battle as far as I can tell), and why spending all day everyday drinking at the bar is a waste of life (these aren't teenagers I'm talking to, they are men in their 40s and 50s), listening to people justify their pathetic behavior, and thinking they have zero right to complain about their government and the state of their country. No one thinks of consequences - short or long term, just doing whatever the hell they feel like doing. I could take that stance, but of course there are too many people counting on me for that. Can I just screw off and leave my son at home? Sure I can but is that going to give me the result I'm looking for with him? No. Can I just leave my work to do itself? Of course but then I'm accountable for how that turns out, even if it's not my business, even if it's not my money - and I care how I do my job. How do you get people to see that? I guess it's a matter that they don't have a desired outcome either, in terms of their families or work. They just do without thinking where that's going - or what the greater impact of that is.

I guess it would be nice to see something of excellence and get to follow it instead of having to try and create it. I'm having to reinvent the wheel at work, a wheel I know exists but there's no one to show me what it looks like or how it works. When I worked at EC, that was one of the greatest things about some the people I worked with - seeing excellence, people who are the best at what they do and who had no ego - they just wanted it to be the best it could be. When there was the opportunity to work with these people, it was an amazing process.

So anyway, I have some more photos - got a new camera. I will try uploading later.

Sorry, it's been a long time since I blogged. Actually I've been writing, I just keep forgetting to post so this will be a selection of those.

Sept 2: Shrugging into the heaviness of life.

That expression isn't mine, but it's stuck with me ever since I heard it. No, the author of that is Loren's dad, Clark. Clark said it when he was retelling the story of walking in the dark at Nazinga a long time ago. He was shaving with an electric razor and not really paying attention when he nearly walked into an elephant. This elephant wasn't too happy with him I guess, and Clark tried to yell but like in nightmares, couldn't get any sound out. He took off at a run and, just like a nightmare, tripped and fell. He rolled over to find this elephant had chased him and was now standing over him. Clark said, he was quite certain he was going to die and prayed that he was ready to go to the Lord, while a small part of his mind wondered if it, death, was going to hurt. For whatever reason, the elephant wandered away. Clark got to his feet, in wonder that he was still alive. And he said he was so certain he was going to die, it took him awhile to shrug back into the heaviness of life. I felt that same way after the car accident back in Dec. I think I may have written the very same. I was so sure I was going to die when I saw us heading for the tree that it was quite the feeling to awaken after and determine I was actually alive. I can't say I was joyful in that moment as I was fully appreciative of the gravity of the moment, not knowing how everyone else was only knowing I was covered in blood, and that death was still a reasonable possibility.

I liken how I'm feeling to that moment only in the heaviness that life sometimes feels, like you are shouldering a heavy load, or wearing a huge coat, that threatens your ability to keep moving. I had a bit of a fairy tale going without Ben here.  Certainly I missed him a lot, but as with any absence, you tend to forget the tough stuff. The first night, we went for dinner with Clark, Carol, Derek and family, and were the last to go. Ben wanted to go with Loren on motorcycle of course, although he was quite happy when I got him from the airport to sit in the car with me (yay, no seatbelts, and he gets to sit in the front). As I drove home by myself, I saw in front of me a horrible motorcycle accident; the bike was full under the car. The people had been pulled off to the side already and surrounded so I couldn't see. I kept driving with my heart in my mouth, knowing it wasn't Loren's bike but also knowing how fickle life is. It could have been. And I pictured Ben in pain, lying on the ground with his huge blue eyes asking me why this kind of thing happens. All I could do was pray that it never does. There is so much in life that you can't protect your children from – the worst thing of all, yourself. Loren thought I was angry at him I was so serious, but really it was just that: feeling the weight again of parenthood and all the strong feelings that go with it. Knowing the battles between extremely conservative father and expressive, Jim-Carrey-esque son that are to come. Even myself; I get tired of all the silliness and I hear the words come out of my mouth, time and time again, "you're being silly"(my mother) or "knock it off"(my father), knowing what damage that it's likely doing to his self-esteem. Picking a school, wanting him to integrate, yet wanting him to learn and be motivated, to achieve and be unique. Wanting to keep him safe, yet wanting to give him wings, and knowing there's just so much out there that you can't protect them from. Wanting him to grow yet still be my baby. Wanting to give him everything he wants, knowing I can't and shouldn't, and knowing that will spark fights with Loren. I've never believed in having a lot of stuff, but somehow it's hard to fight (and yes, I have a lot of stuff).  And having to choose between spending time with my family and friends or with Loren's. None these things individually are light, together, I feel like I'm climbing narrow stairs carrying an elephant, trying to watch for boobytraps.

He's already got diarrhoea and a rash in his armpit that looks like ringworm. We're already fighting, with Loren too about watching movies, buying him another phone, how many toys he has, playing his DS too much, showering, brushing his teeth, cleaning his room, not going out to play in his pyjamas, asking to be excused from the table, feeding the cat, and changing the litter. I add mediator to my long list of titles.

Sept 21 – Good thing I didn't ask for a haircut

I came home to find my house naked. I'm sure that sounds odd. We had some half dozen trees out front, one was touching the telephone wire and the other was bothering Loren and my neighbour because some branches would touch his aluminum roof when it was windy, and during rainy season that's pretty much every other day. The guard offered to "tailler" meaning to trim it. I got home and was appalled to find 3 full trees cut right down to the stump. The guard very jovially asks "c'est bon, non?" and I of course said NON!!!.  He seemed confused so asked "de quelle cote?" meaning exactly how was it not right. I said everything. When I asked to you to trim it so it wasn't touching the wire, what part of that meant cut down the whole tree? And when you asked before to trim the one touching the roof, did I not say I didn't want you to because I was worried you would cut off too much??! He just looked and said, ah yes of course, you're right. I said it was a good thing I didn't ask you for a haircut, you would have started at my knees.

 

This is the same person who was confused as to why I was upset that he didn't show up for work and sent no one to replace him. His logic was he was at home praying for me and he didn't feel right that he send someone else just in case something happened. So I asked "therefore it's better that you stay home and pray?" and he very happily replied of course! I said well I'm not paying God, I'm paying you, and I'm paying you to be at my house at 6PM til 6AM and if you don't show up again or send a replacement, you're fired (this is the 4th or 5th time). So he didn't show up again the next day and sent his son who just sleeps on the terrace. We'll be ending his contract end of the month and getting a security company in. This is after we had someone break into the house, while he was on duty - sleeping. I thought it would help him sleep lighter but nope. He still sleeps every night.

 

Anyway, my former boss at Environment Canada is retiring. Judith was always an amazing person - incredibly smart yet practical and without ego. She was never about being right, but getting it right. We went through a lot of program changes together. I spent more than 3 years doing Offsets, which I don't regret but I think I should have left earlier. She did it for over a decade! That's perseverance. We had our disagreements, and there were periods of time where things were so stressful that we really got on each others' nerves, and couldn't agree on nearly anything. But I completely respect her and even now, miss the conversations we had and the brainstorming we did together. It's interesting when you can look back at parts of your life and point specifically to someone who made a huge difference, turned you in another direction, or who influenced your thinking profoundly. Judith did all those things for me. It very much has me thinking again about my own philosophy and how I manage my own life. I look at all the things she's accomplished and how much she knows, and then there's her personal life which is something pretty amazing as well. Makes me wonder what I do with my time. Makes me re-think how I want to manage my life. I know I have another 20 years to be where she is but I know that if I got to start over, I don't know if I could do everything she has. And that's okay I guess, I am where I am for a reason, but it's fun to be inspired in that way. I wish Judith all the best.

 

And it reminds me, as I'm trying to sort out the same invoices over again, that some things in life are the same no matter where you go. I think the tree conversation is easily a conversation I could have had at EC. Trying to get software to work is sometimes easier than getting government employees to work.

 

 Oct 9 – Puppies

We have started our own zoo. We got 2 female puppies yesterday – they are just 4 weeks old and surprisingly large for their age. Sort of typical African mutts – came from a litter of 6, with 2 males. One is called Socks for her 4 white socks and her sister is Shoeshine – who is just the chubbiest little thing. Both cute. We made jokes about having a puppy factory with 2 females – Loren could sell dog meat that way and have his own supply. Gross I know. What was really gross was Andrews cutting the tail off one of the dogs "so it will grow big". African logic apparently.

Now feeding gets complicated. The cat is getting cat food when it's available which is pretty easy; the dogs are getting rice with sauce, milk and occasionally a bit of meat. There is dog food but rice is cheaper, and dogs are, apparently, omnivores. We bought puppy food which we'll give them in a few weeks. Ben gets to clean up the dog poop.

We've decided to fire the guard too. I told the guy who brought him to us the real reason being he doesn't show up all the time and forgets to send replacements so it's easier to get a service where they figure the replacements out. We'll see how that works out. Loren told the guard that HGS is paying for a service so we don't need him anymore – typical African version of saving face. So now the guard is going around the neighbourhood bad mouthing us. He made the mistake of going to one of our neighbours, Mahdou. Mahdou is one of Loren's good friends. The guard told Mahdou that the reason he was fired was because Loren doesn't like him and that Loren had no right to fire him because I was the one who hired him. Mahdou of course knows the real reason, and of course also told Loren what the guard said. So Loren confronted the guard and the guard denied it saying, Mahdou was lying. The next day he goes back to Mahdou and say "tu m'a vendu avec le blanc" – literally you sold me to the white guy. What a mess – just glad he's leaving. We gave him a month's notice so he could find another job, but mid-month I'll give him his salary and say get lost (or translated into African face-saving – we're giving you time to go look for something else).

My frustration level lately has been quite high, and unfortunately my attitude has suffered for it . So I've been crapping on people and generally being ornery. I can't help it, just every little thing of late gets me to yelling mad so quickly. Probably the humidity and all the bugs aren't helping. It's the end of rainy season so it's not super hot but very humid, and there are a million bugs, just in my bed, somehow despite mosquito net. Both Loren and I have blisters from the blister bugs. Loren has a whole row on his lower back – he probably had one small one but like I described last year, when you break the blister the liquid creates new blisters where ever it touches. His belt probably rubbed one and spread it all over his lower back. How many weeks til November? I go on break too for a month! Yay.

We'll see if I actually take it. I'm way behind on my work plan because the invoicing process was transferred to Ouaga and then on top of that, we had to erase all the historical invoices and start again because it was mixed with what was billed by the Ghana office. We have over 400 invoices to put back in the system and I decided to do a waybill/invoice/payment reconciliation only to find out that there were tonnes of mistakes with double billing, and about 50 outstanding invoices. That took a whole month out of my schedule to redo.  And trying to get taxes done, and social security registration, don't have office insurance yet and still don't have all the contract stuff together... AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!  Breathe, Lisa, Breathe!!! Bit at a time.

Blogging

Sorry to all, I haven't written in a long time. I guess much of my reason for blogging in the first place has kind of moved on. I mean originally the blog was to answer the constant stream of questions that I got from people - that were usually the same questions - on how one prepares for this kind of adventure, why I was going etc. Then it became a tool for connecting and telling about what was going on, the different, the scary, the fun, how Ben and I were doing, and how things were going with Loren (which out of respect for his privacy, I haven't really been forthcoming). With so many things going on it was ranting, and talking out my thinking, and therapy for some of the other stuff. Since then, well I've seen a lot of people when I went home, and things are more complicated now that I've decided to stay longer. And I realized there are a lot of people reading this and it is a public blog so I don't really get into some things. I was surprised and felt very humbled to find out exactly how many people were reading my blog, even if occasionally. Thanks to all who do. I feel blessed to know there are so many who care about my goings on, no matter how insane or rant-y they are.

Also I've found there is stuff that some people can't handle – even as I tell "white" people here about some things that have gone on, they kind of freak out. So I feel kind of responsible if I have a whole bunch of people I care about who can hardly imagine being here, freaking out over something I've said.

I had a good trip home and saw a whole lot of people. It was of course, too short and too long all at the same time. I gained a lot of weight going from one meal to the next seeing people. From morning coffee to lunch to afternoon coffee to dinner to after dinner drinks, I saw over 150 people in 24 days. Not including going to church and spending 10 min with about 30 people. I felt I did okay at spreading my time out and spending more of it with the people who matter the most (if I didn't get to see you much please don't think you are less important!!). Of course it's never enough, especially of those who you are accustomed to spending all your time with.

Another good thing is I got my crowns (teeth) and they look nice. In fact my teeth never looked nicer, they are straight, not cracked or chipped and they're all the same colour. I'm not 100% sure they are glued well. They are thicker than my natural teeth so they take a little getting used to and I have a thlighthe lithp but they are way better than the temporary ones. So I'm happy with that. I was surprised how a small change as to the shape of the inside of your mouth can affect you. My teeth don't sit quite right so I'm forever clacking my bottom front teeth against the backs of the top ones. The first day that made my jaw so tight, it gave me a blinding headache so literally Loren had to drive me home and walk me to bed with my eyes covered. A little rest and a muscle relaxant cured that but it was quite excruciating at the time.

An odd item was we got cat food in the grocery store which makes life a whole lot easier for me in terms of trying to figure out what to feed my cat every day. He didn't like dog food at all (which I can understand, it's disgusting) even the canned stuff so he was getting spoiled, literally and figuratively, as he would get rice or pasta, whatever we happened to be eating that meal, and he got whatever meat was rotting in the fridge. Usually ham or liver pate. Now I just give him that, but it was $4 for a little box and $12 for a medium size bag. Still cheaper than ham.

On other stuff I've had my boss Steve here a lot of the last month so did not really getting a lot of work done as he likes to come into town and stand me on my head running about to different clients, going out etc. He also came with my friend Patrick. Patrick was my reference for this job and one of the perks is he comes to visit me twice a year. Pat and I were friends in University for several years and spent a lot of time together, and he hasn't changed much other than there is the occasional night where he'd rather go to bed early than go out drinking again (old age, what can I say). I think our instant closeness made Loren somewhat jealous. I would catch him staring evenly at Pat as if weighing carefully. Even Steve seemed jealous oddly - not sure though if it was for me or for Pat as he and Pat are good friends – and probably he was annoyed because Pat and I kept teasing him about how much he talks. Literally one time, a client said to Steve, "OK OK, I'll buy it! Just shut the f* up and get the hell out of my office!" 

Steve has offered Loren a contract and more if that job goes well. In fact he offered Loren to open his own branch of HGS called HGS Projects - to do big set ups and stuff, sort of general contracting. Loren already does a lot of that and more but not jobs of this size, level of technical and complexity. The fuel farm set up he offered Loren to manage costs over $300M USD. Loren will be in Ivory Coast for at least 2 months, maybe more, with breaks to come home God willing. It pays him well, but will have him gone for a long time and potentially with follow up work so he'll be gone maybe another 3 months again after that to Mali. He's also going to areas that aren't unsafe but not what I would call safe either. This still isn't 100% and Loren and I are both very wary of Steve and his projects as he is very visionary with not much in the way of solid grounding and he likes to cut corners. I'm sure Loren can handle it but we've had some long discussions about his concerns. For example, I sent Steve my work plan for the next 3 months and he said but what about all the work we're going to win? My reply was, you win it and I will make space for it. He's so in the clouds sometimes! There are probably many (especially my family) who are laughing at that. It's highly ironic that I am responsible for organizing anyone – they must be wondering what kind of state these people are in if they want ME to organize. I may not be able to clean my room or organize my house. However, I do think I'm relatively good at planning on a management level so I think that's where I'm providing value.

I also finally got some feedback from Steve. I suspect that was because I asked Patrick if Steve had said anything to him about how I was doing. Patrick said, and Steve confirmed that he was very happy how things were going here (even though we are not quite there yet in terms of getting everything in place). It takes so much longer to do things here that even though it's been 9 months I've been here, it takes time. More so because even when you get someone who's good at their job, they usually aren't the quality you are accustomed to at home. They don't think terribly far ahead so you spend a great deal more time teaching than usual. For example, Pauline is very good. But she's not accustomed to the kind of pace Steve and I set. I spent 2 hours explaining prioritizing and how to use a day timer to write down tasks that she's given each day, how to determine what comes first if she's overloaded – and she is overloaded already – but as she gets accustomed to doing it, it won't take her so long. She also doesn't know how to delegate so even though we have an intern, she doesn't give her anything to do and doesn't explain it well when she does so it comes back full of errors. All of these things take time and experience that can't be learned overnight. Sometimes when you've been working a long time you forget how much you learned over time about the administrative. So I'm pretty proud of my work, even if I do say so myself! J

More fun here. I am just getting over having malaria and dysentery at the same time. I wasn't feeling well when we went up to one of the mine sites on Thursday, I thought it was all the travel over crappy roads but then Sat night it grew into a fever with chills and aches and diarrhoea. Loren gets mad when I don't take medication as soon as I get symptoms but I prefer to wait a day or 2 as I rarely get sick and hate taking anything. He said something like " didn't your internet research tell you that malaria kills people?!".  He is forever teasing me about looking everything up on the internet and that I take medication made by western doctors who've never been to Africa. I took the medication early Sunday morning and spend most of Sunday in bed. I even answered the phone and talked to someone but had no recollection of it later.

 I feel like all I ever talk about is the bad stuff that goes on here and am giving people the wrong impression. Certainly life isn't easy and there are dangerous elements to it but then there are anywhere you go. Here we don't have gang shoot outs and execution style killings. Date rape occurs here for sure but not the Paul Bernardo/serial rapist type. There are no pedophiles to worry about, but there are more drunk/bad drivers, more physicality, more obvious bad influences of sexuality and drinking, but less drugs. Really I don't know what it is but I love being here. There are so many problems but then Burkina isn't like Nigeria or Sudan or Congo or Ivory Coast. It really isn't so violent or political though it definitely has the potential for it. The problems are just different.

For example, I was sitting at the bar with a bunch of guys - which I hate mostly because they are always at the bar, neglecting their wives and families, spending money they don't have, getting drunk, looking at women, and talking garbage. Some old man was teasing Loren that if he didn't marry me soon, he was going to steal me. We got into a conversation about how can you steal a wife and I said, you maybe can't steal her like a radio or a wallet, but in the same way if you leave your house and a robber can come to steal your radio, if you don't spend time with her, someone will come steal your wife's heart. These men were actually surprised and a conversation ensued about what I meant. These guys honestly had no idea that their wife was a person who needed affection and time with them. A couple of men actually got up and went home.

We've had discussions about drinking and driving, smoking/second hand smoke and children's health, cheating on your spouse, and the effects of cell phones on the breakdown of African traditions. People here seem in general more connected to the politics (though not necessarily better at making choices) and goings on. They talk less about television shows and more about real life. It's varied and stimulating and if you can make one person think twice, well that's good enough for me... for now. I don't know how long that will carry me. But then I had the same problem in Canada, where I don't mind going out now and again to a restaurant or to a bar, and having some activities but at the end of the day, what's the point of it? I always get to a point where I feel like there's got to be more than this. And so I feel that here too, it's just hard to get it off the ground because I don't know where to start, whereas in Canada it was difficult from the aspect of availability of time to do things.

I realized why I was saving so much money here. Apart from things being a little cheaper, even though I'm earning about a third of my salary, everything else is paid for. I was given a car, HGS pays for the gas, insurance, maintenance (I don't even have to remember to do the maintenance! Bonus!). They pay my cell phone units, my lunch if I eat at the office, my internet, and a couple flights home per year. Loren pays the rent and I pay my water and electricity, food and whatever, and someone else is paying my mortgage. Probably also the lack of decent shopping is helpful and the fact that I can't get Chapters, Amazon or any other online store to send anything to me here. Gotta love the golden handcuffs!